Jimn Kyles 0:00
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your life forward. Today, we’re going to be talking about what to do when you feel stressed. So if you’ve ever felt stressed then you are listening to the right episode of our podcast today. I’m your host Jimn Kyles. I’m here with Jolea Garza.

Jolea Garza 0:19
Yes, this is gonna be great. Talking about stress.

Jimn Kyles 0:22
Yes, sir. Yeah, I am so excited about today, you know, we were bantering back and forth. We’ve got our plan of what to do. But I’m excited today, because I feel like there’s a lot of people that are stressed out Oh, yeah. And they’re like, “What do I do?”. You know what I mean?

Jolea Garza 0:40
This topic just never gets old. That is just the world that we live in is the world people actually, I think it’s almost addicting being stressed out.

Jimn Kyles 0:48
Oh my gosh, well, we got we got the right episode for you. And I want to welcome those of you that are watching right now on YouTube. Thank you for joining us. Those that are listening. Thank you for tuning in. We hope you’ve enjoyed it, we work really hard to come up with good quality content that takes 20 to 30 minutes to listen to. But if you listen to it, if you’ll go through and do the work, we’re going to help you get unstuck, we’re going to help you move your life forward. But even more than that, we want you to become unstoppable. And so we’re so thrilled to be on the journey. Lots of great resources, if you hadn’t checked them out, go to jimnkyles.com. Go to the Resource tab, we got all kinds of downloads, like PDF books, and and then hey, we’re excited. My book is launching. Yeah. So if you want to get a copy of it, just go to jimnkyles.com. Preorder there, you can preorder it there, if it’s before November 15. If it’s after November 15 2020. To get a copy, go get a copy. And we’re so thrilled we’ve got the the digital download version that will be available. We have the audible Yeah.

Jolea Garza 1:48
Listen, while, I drive

Jimn Kyles 1:49
well. And that’s what I you know, if you’d like me, I always listen to the book first. If I like it, then I go buy it. That’s great. And so anyway, the audible version will be available and, and then we’re doing seminars, we’ve got an Unstuck Behind the Scenes, Unstuck and Unstoppable that’s happening locally in October. So if you want more information on that, go to jimnkyles.com, we’re gonna help your organization, your business really become unstoppable and get unstuck. And, and I’m excited, because we’re going to do a couple of things. We’re going to help talk about the identity of your organization, what you’re doing in that organization today, what you’re supposed to be doing, and then the vision as to where you’re going. But the last thing I’m really excited about is helping you build the right culture. And so it’s going to be a great one day event. Get registered, sign up. It’s going to be here in Richmond, Texas, and we’d love to see you there. Absolutely. Now, let’s talk about stress. Have you ever felt stressed?

Jolea Garza 2:49
man, it’s like some people will say I’m too blessed to be stressed. The biggest lie I have ever heard. Oh, yeah, I will. And then I’m on the opposite side. Everybody used to be everybody would ask me how you do it. I’m like, I’m stressed, I’m so busy. Like, that’s just how I live. It’s how we live, I’m excited to just talk about it and unpack how we can live less stressed out?

Jimn Kyles 3:14
Well, it’s normal, and in that life is validated. And so but I do also want to start this whole conversation off with, look, you’re never going to have a stress free life. So that’s impossible. You know, you got kids, which you know, I know many of you have got young kids, you got a job, maybe you’re going to school, you’re listening to this and you’re in your Master’s program, or the Doctorate program, or the Bachelor program? Or maybe you’re a high school student. Yeah. Listen, the reality is stress is always going to be a part of our life. And so what we want to do is we want to help you manage your life, so that there’s less stress, right?

Jolea Garza 3:49
I think, you know, the, the idea is not to avoid stressful situations. Stress is really, you know, it’s tension. There’s tension that you’re managing in your life. And so maybe you’re like, I’m not stressed out at all, I’d be like, are you okay? Like, what? What are you doing to move things forward to be unstoppable, there’s forward movement, and when you’re moving forward, there’s always going to be tension, always. So yes. How do you?

Jimn Kyles 4:11
How do you manage it? Yeah. And I think it goes, I’m gonna give, we will talk about three things that will help. And then at the very end a list of how we would prioritize things to help us make sure we’re focusing on the right things. But the first thing I would say is, it’s better to have less of what doesn’t matter and more of what does Yeah. So in our life evaluating, the truth is people say more is better, more is not always better. So quantity does not equal quality. And you’ve got to really evaluate and say, Man, I think I’ve got to say no, a lot more than I’m saying, yes. And that’s been the strategy of my life when I’m feeling really stressed out. What I realize is that I’ve said yes to too many things that don’t really matter, and they’re drowning out the thing that really does. Yeah. And I’ve overcommitted myself.

Jolea Garza 5:03
Yeah, yeah, I think you know, there are a lot of people that will say yes to everything. Yeah. Because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Yeah. And so it’s great. But that’s where priorities come in. Because it allows you to say no to the right things, and yes to the right things. Give an example. What is a great example of, of how do we evaluate? What do I say yes to in the season? What do I say no to? And how do I make sure that I’m saying yes, to the right things? Well,

Jimn Kyles 5:27
I think it goes back to your priorities. You know, it’s what you and I have even talked to through different podcasts, you’ve got to evaluate what’s really important to you. And then make sure when you say, yes, it’s leading your life in the direction of what’s important, because here’s, here’s the reality. You know, we all have friends, we have relationships, we have employers, we have family, and even things in internally that we want, right? And nobody knows your threshold or where you’re at. So your boss will ask you for stuff. Your kids will ask you for stuff. Teachers at school will ask you for stuff, your friends will ask you for stuff your parents will ask you, Hey, can you help with this? Can you do this your church? And that when you say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. What happens is, they start to run your life instead of YOU run your life. Yeah. And it goes to the second thing that I want to talk about. It’s better to live by design and not default. Right? Oh, that’s so good. Because when you run by default, what that means is, you just let people determine how you live, right. So your, your kids, well, what’s their schedule? And okay, so in here’s, here’s a great example. I have four kids, and my kids are amazing. I love them. They’re all in something. Yeah, they play football. They play soccer. They’re in dance and all the different extracurricular activities. Well, if you’re not careful, coaches have got a plan for your kids life. Schools have got a plan for your kid’s life. And so we just told our kids the only way we’re going to keep this family together, we guard some nights, Monday nights, family night, Friday night is fun night where we have everybody invites their friends, we do pizza, and then we try to eat together three to four times a week we do a dinner, lunch, something where families connecting together. But what we’ve also told them is listen, I know you love sports, but you can only play one sport. That’s great each season. Yeah. So all of my kids need to be in something but only one. Yeah. Because otherwise, you’ll have like, my daughter wants to play basketball, and be in dance. Well, there’s a lot of parents that would say, Well, okay, let’s do it. Yeah. And so now what’s happened is, by default, the dance company is running your life, the soccer, you know, coaches telling you when practices and games, and now you are so stressed out living the life everybody else has handed to you. Yeah, instead of saying, No, we’re gonna live by design. And what I mean by design is, here’s the parameters. And even for us as a family, like we don’t do things on Wednesday night, because my kids go to youth. You know, we don’t do things on Sunday, because we go to church. And so we put these parameters in that designed the foundation of our life. And then if all the extra stuff fits in, it’s yes, but only if it fits in.

Jolea Garza 8:07
Right, that’s great, I think about a couple of things one is, is starting to live proactively versus reactively. Right. And so I think a lot of times, we allow other people to fill our schedules, and then we run around, just trying to fulfill every single. And it’s so funny, because the truth is, we just we simply can’t, you know, and so our lives are being ruled, and we are constantly trying to accomplish things that are impossible to accomplish, and, and have balance or rhythm in our lives because you can’t do it all. And so having those guardrails allows you to be proactive, in how you’re prioritizing your life. And then the other thing is, for me, for three a performer, I had to learn, that not every opportunity is the right opportunity. And so you have to evaluate what season Am I in when you have, you know, kids that need to do different different things and activities. And then when you have yourself and you have to work and it needs to prioritize your marriage, then not every other opportunity. That’s exactly right. Can be the right opportunity in that season. Well your season. That’s what

Jimn Kyles 9:09
I was thinking. And here’s you said it so well. God has a plan for you. Right? And so he is the intelligent designer of my life. And so I’ve got to say, Okay, does what I’m doing fit in God’s plan for my life, because God’s got a plan for my life, but so does everybody else, right? And we’re only truly fulfilled when we’re living the life that God wants us to live. Otherwise what we live is managed chaos. And I think we’ve all been there, right? I mean, it’s

Jolea Garza 9:39
it’s so funny. It’s so

Jimn Kyles 9:40
I was thinking about the illustration and you know, whether many female listeners may not necessarily watch football, but everybody watches the Superbowl, I would presume. And so even if you don’t know the game, you don’t have to know the game to understand this illustration. Imagine both teams lining up to face each other. Well, the offense is moving forward as a team in a concerted effort to run a single play to get that ball into the endzone so they can score right? Imagine the offense, the quarterback who’s the one that that primarily leads the team in the plays gets the football he goes, hut and the balls height to him. And all the players, instead of moving forward in one play in a concerted effort, start running in all different directions. Yeah, doing different things at the same time.

Jolea Garza 10:29
Yeah, it’s like, it’s like, we live lives not calling our plays ahead of time. Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 10:34
they’re just I thought we were on this plate. This play, that team would never win a game. And I think there are people listening that are saying, I’m not winning anything in the game of life, right? But it’s because you’re running in so many different directions without a plan, where you and your spouse and your kids and your, your family, you’re like, hey, here’s the plan for our life and our family. Yeah. And so it’s, it’s, we got to get rid of this managed chaos, and say, I’m gonna live my life by design. I also think this though, you know, I was looking over some statistics, because stress comes when you don’t feel like you have enough time. Yeah. And I was looking at stats about how much time we spend in places that may not be necessary. So I think some people Yes, it’s managed chaos. They’re so busy. I think sometimes it’s because we’ve wasted the precious time that we have. And then we find ourselves in deadlines here. Look at this, we eat out 14,411 times in a lifetime. This is a lifetime 14,000 including I thought this was interesting. 1811 trips to McDonald’s just terrible. But I just thought eating out. Just think about that. 14,000 Now look, this this the stat I thought was fascinating. We spent 13 years and four months watching TV. Wow. And a lifetime. Yeah, can you imagine? 13 years, in a life this the average American, we spent five years in lines, wow. standing in a line,

Jolea Garza 12:09
like FastTrack. Come on. I don’t want to spend all that time in line,

Jimn Kyles 12:13
we spend one year I thought this was fascinating looking for things we’ve lost.

Jolea Garza 12:17
That’s hilarious, I probably spend a lot more than a year of my life.

Jimn Kyles 12:22
This was fascinating, too. I think some of the stats are going to change coming out of the pandemic, like the one standing in line. Now. I think we’re ordering things getting them shipped better. But here’s one that goes faster, we’ll we’ll drive 627,000 miles in our lifetime, 25 times around the world. Wow. And so imagine if if we’re wasting that time on the driver, if we’re wasting. So I just think you’ve got to redeem back some of the time that’s being stolen from us to things that don’t really matter. So good. Yeah. And as we do that, our stress level begets less and less. And you’re, again, are prioritizing, so that you can live the life that God wants you to live.

Jolea Garza 13:02
Yeah. And I even think you know, less is more you know, because when you spend time on a few concerted efforts, a few things, a few different areas of your life, you can give more, and you’ll reap better results as well. If you’re investing the time and your kids, this is a season where you have small children, this is the season to invest time into those to your kids and make sure that you’re you have enough time throughout the week just to spend time with them and your spouse and then but if you do that, then you’ll reap benefits and you’ll see great reward from you’ll go further and won’t stretch yourself then. That’s

Jimn Kyles 13:34
right. What and I think it’s it’s crucial what you said right there. You’re just spending and investing in the things that matter most. So how would we break down? This is this? I’m listening to the podcast great. You talking about priorities, you’re talking about less is best. You’re saying, you know, you just got to prioritize and don’t do the wrong things do the right things. Well, you got to say what is it that matters most? And you and I were talking about it earlier. And there’s lots of ways you could say this, but we broke it down into four primary areas that we’re going to focus on and prioritize. Absolutely. So the first one and I’ll just say them and then we can go through them. We said God, come on, because we’re believers. We’re Christians. God designed this life. He’s got to be the number one priority. Second one is family. Yes. 100%. So you may be listening now maybe you’re not married but you have family you know, your your mom, your dad, your siblings. If you’re married, it’s your spouse first then your kids don’t flip it around because if it’s kids first and spouse second your marriage will fall apart eventually. So God Family third thing we said

Jolea Garza 14:34
was community who do you surround yourself? Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 14:37
not just work with but it’s like Who do I do life with? So important because we have a saying show me your friends and I’ll

Jolea Garza 14:44
show you your future. You’re the sum of your five closest friends right? Yeah. So

Jimn Kyles 14:48
your community, it matters. And then lastly, we said calling and I know some people would say well, why wouldn’t what you do your work be you know right after family? Well, because As you’ll be isolating alone, if you don’t invest in relationships, and then you end up getting used by your job or your career, but calling is your purpose, your business, your work your industry, that you got to really focus on that. Absolutely.

Jolea Garza 15:14
And yeah, calling and we can go through that. But calling can be a lot of different things, different seasons too.

Jimn Kyles 15:20
So okay, so God, I think the listeners understand God family, I think we break it down, I do want to just reiterate that if you are married, it is always your spouse first, then your kids. And then your extended family too. Because I’ve also seen families or marriages where the spouses, Mom or Dad, get involved with both of the spouses. So it so a mom and a mom in law or you know, father in law, is telling, you know, the married couple what to do, you got to kick the in laws out between the man and the woman, and then their kids and then the extended family. Yeah. That’s so so important for us. And then after that, then it’s community. Talk about community.

Jolea Garza 16:01
Yeah, I think community so after you outside of your family, then it’s Who are you surrounding yourself with at the end of the day, we all need people, we love to say life moves at the speed of relationships. And so it’s so it’s so important, you know, in your church, do you? Are you part of small groups? Are you part of a group of people that you can connect with and do life with and be real and authentic with? I think that’s so important for us. And I think a lot of times, maybe you are great at prioritizing work. But you have no friends, you have nobody that you’re spending your days with and doing life with outside of that is important.

Jimn Kyles 16:34
So good. And then the calling, talk a little bit about calling, yeah, so

Jolea Garza 16:37
I love to say calling versus work, because maybe when you’re a business owner, I also just thought about those that maybe stay at home moms in this season, and you are called to your home, you’re called to raise children in the season to take care of a home in the season, and then calling maybe you’re in the job of your dreams, and you know that you’re going to be doing this for the rest of your life. Or maybe you’re trying to figure out what that job of your dream is now, but where you’re working now is going to contribute to that in the future. There’s so many different areas outside of just work. That’s exactly right. Find our calling.

Jimn Kyles 17:11
So I’m sitting here and I’m listening. And I’m thinking, Okay, I’m feeling stressed out, you’re telling me priorities. And so I’m seeing God, we’re seeing family, we’re seeing community we’re seeing calling. So what I hear you to say and is that if it’s not really falling within those, we probably need to say no.

Jolea Garza 17:29
Yeah, so that’s where you start. So what So what you would do, and I live by a calendar, if you want to know your priorities, look at your calendar. And if you don’t use a calendar, listen, I’m sure we’re talking to a lot of business owners, business leaders, young entrepreneurs, use a calendar, your priority should be on your calendar. So where you start is what you do with these, these first four things, it’s put them on your calendar. So if it’s important to you, you’ll carve out the time to spend on it. So put church on your calendar, or put time with your spouse a date night, every week on your calendar, put put your kids activities in their schedule on your calendar, and then put your work into your calendar, then you know the parameters right? So then once all of that is listed on your calendar, then you know what to say yes and no to because now your calendar dictates all of my priorities are here. Now I know what time I have open. So when somebody says oh, hey, I need you to bake 100 cookies for this school event? It’s not just Yes, it’s let me look at my calendar and investigate and find out if I have the time. I would love to 100% It’s a great opportunity. But does my calendar say doing all the things I’m supposed to do? Can I do this extra thing? And so you Okay.

Jimn Kyles 18:42
Well, you know, I was thinking about that the real way we see that what someone values is, is the calendar and your resources, your money and your time. And I think it’s so important because the thing that that we’re looking at here is I’m stressed out because I don’t have enough time to do what I’m supposed to do. So I got to evaluate and assess where am I really right now? That’s the hardest part, right? The reality because I think people think they have more time than they really do. Oh, I know. Because you don’t, it goes back to a budget. I always people say hey, help me with the budget. First thing I say start tracking your spending, right? Because people are like, I don’t spend that much eating out. And then you look at their budget. And it’s like, Man, I spent $900 or $500 on just McDonald’s, you know? Because you don’t think it’s a separate calendar? Yes. So assess it. And then what you’ll be able to do is say do I have margin? Correct? And if you have margin now you can say yes to other things. But the truth is, we really need to protect that because we find that miracles happen in the margin. 100% man ideas happen in the margin. A lot of times people say well, I’m not getting any more ideas. I’m not as creative. I always just go back to look at your schedule because when you’re stressed out and maxed out, creativity doesn’t come right this don’t come Yeah, and

Jolea Garza 19:54
even in the margin margin also gives you opportunity for interruption. So what happens is we are running and when you have margin, you can be creative. But then you’re also prepared when things come up because it’s life, right? So what happens is we fill our entire calendar, we’re stacked back to back, we have no time plus we have demands when we get home, we have demands when we wake up. And then when we’re stacked back to back, and there’s no space in our calendar, there’s no margin to handle when you get a flat tire, or when God wants you to pray for someone, right? When God wants to, wants you to pray with somebody

Jimn Kyles 20:28
Someone says, Hey, I need a friend. You’re like, Hey, I’d love to talk. But I’m just too busy.

Jolea Garza 20:32
Or when you your kids need you and man, this is a day I need to go have lunch with my kids today. And the truth is we’re so busy, won’t won’t be able to take that time and sometimes that it creates a not an opportunity for interruptions.

Jimn Kyles 20:45
That is so good. Well, I hope this podcast has helped you today to really deal with some stress, I wish we could be in your life and just start peeling the stress, I do your calendar. We really want to do that. But But here’s what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna be here for you. We have an online community, Facebook, we’d love to hear your ideas of how you’ve peeled away some of the things that have added the layers of stress in your life. And then how you’ve benefited from prioritizing your time and, and really saying, Okay, what are your priorities? And maybe your priorities aren’t lined up like me and yours, Joe? And maybe what yours are different. That’s fine, get them and then start filling the calendar with your main blocks of time. And then let’s see what happens to to you, your stress level and then get you unstuck and become unstoppable. So good. Well, if you’ve enjoyed this podcast and the other podcast, would you share the podcast with someone? Yeah, just invite them to listen and maybe you’ve got someone that you know is stressed out, say hey, listen to it. Check it out. And then we would be greatly blessed but also would you rate

Jolea Garza 21:50
Yeah, rate it subscribe. We’d love to have you you know, get a notification every time we post a new episode.

Jimn Kyles 21:56
Every week, we post new episodes. And our goal is to bring you great quality content. So would you also just give us a great review that always helps us move up into the rankings and exposed to other people that are looking for a tool, which is what we believe this podcast is. We’re so grateful to be in your life on this journey with you. We can’t wait to be with you next week. Till then,

Unknown Speaker 22:17
bye bye