Jimn Kyles

Unstuck & Unstoppable

017: Moral Margin

Today’s episode is special, it is a bonus episode taken from our weekly sermon in Anchorbend. In this episode, I will define moral margin. I will discuss how important it is for the next generation to create a separation between what the mainstream media thinks is morally acceptable and what Chris teaches us to be right. I will also share with you 8 suggestions to help you build a moral margin in your life.

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Jimn Kyles 0:00
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your life forward. I’m excited about today is we have a bonus episode. So get ready and lock in. Well, welcome to our podcast today. I’m your host, Jimn kyles. And I’m so thrilled to have you join us if it’s your first time, we want to welcome you, all of our returning listeners, we’re so thrilled to have you on this journey. Today is a special episode that I have decided with the team that we’re going to add into the podcast unstuck and unstoppable. As you know, many of you know, I’m a pastor, I get the privilege of pastoring, a great church in Richmond, Texas called Anchor bend. And over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been talking about a topic called margin, how to make room for God to move in your life. And last week, the team and I felt like the word and the message that I shared was something that really needs to go beyond these four walls. And I talked about moral margin, moral margin, the ability to create space and distance from myself and temptation. And so since the team got together, they said, We got to put this on the podcast, we really have to create a place where people can regain their moral compass, what I realized is that as an as a nation, we had a great moral compass, many decades ago, even growing up and it was just because of the nucleus of healthy families. Well, now the deterioration of families and marriages, people are not being taught moral values, and morality. They’re catching it from the mainstream media and the world around us. And so we’ve got to fight now more than ever to have a great moral compass that honors God honors our families, and then allows us to live our life so that we finish our lives strong. So it’s about a 40 minute message I want to encourage you to lean in. It’s taken from the Sunday service. Check it out moral margin.

All right, good morning. Welcome to week number three of our series making room. Wow, man, you look good. It looks like we’re making room in the back for everybody walking in. So glad to have you here. If you’re brand new to anchor Bend, thank you for being here. Come on, tell him how glad you are to have it. So good to have you here a part of the worship experience. I am in a series entitled making room and we’re talking about really margin. And we spent the last couple of weeks first week we talked about making room for a miracle. If you missed it, I want to encourage you to go back and watch it on YouTube. You can listen to it on iTunes as well at anchor bend, TX. Last week, we talked about financial margin. Today we’re going to talk about moral margin, moral margin. And if you’re brand new, you’re like today’s the day God brought me here. And the first service I just I really believe that if there was ever a day where we need to talk about moral margin, that day is today. I mean, we’ve lost as a nation, our moral compass. And I was telling the first service what we got to recognize even as the church is that here we are, we come to church, and we’re saying, God, we want to do it your way. But we have a society that is pulling us in a total opposite direction. I was raised in a generation that everybody went to church, you know, it wasn’t, hey, do you go to church? It was hey, where do you go to church?

Now it’s like, Hey, do you go to church? Like, What religion are you like is there we’ve totally lost our way. And in Losing Our Way we’ve lost our moral compass. And then what we find is we come to a church, and we don’t talk a lot about morality. We’ll talk about deep spiritual things so many times, and yet nobody’s teaching our children. Nobody’s teaching us, nobody’s reminding us. And then if we’re not careful, there’s a massive vacuum. And then the church looks just like the world. There’s been no training, no teaching. And so we, we got saved, but we act just like the world. We talk just like the world, we look just like the world and therefore we have the same consequences, as the world has. You know, it’s interesting today, the divorce rate in churches the same as it is in the world. I mean, no, that ought to be totally different. A fair rate, same thing. I mean, it’s like there’s not a massive difference. And I believe today is going to be the start of a journey to help us individually and corporately to readjust the compass so that people will look at our church and just the church in general. say men, I want to be like that, like they’re different, there’s actually a difference. When we’re Christians, we should stand out, we should be set apart. And I also want to tell you this too, you know, there was a day where we trained kids, even if somebody wasn’t all into church, you still had morals. You know that. I mean, it’s like people were generally good, it’s like, you could depend that someone said, they’re gonna do something, they’re gonna do it, if they’re telling you something, they’re not lying. And what I found was in the absence of family units, in the such high divorce rates, single parent homes, if we’re not teaching Judeo biblical Christian values, then the the problem is the world is teaching them. And what’s not taught is always caught. So if you’re not teaching morality, if you’re not teaching morals, they’re gonna catch it by what they watch on Netflix, they’re gonna catch it by what they’re seeing their friends say and do their social media, they don’t catch it by just being in the world. Morality is not something that we can allow them to catch. It’s not something we can allow ourselves to catch. It’s something we have to teach. And it’s very clear what God’s Word says about us having margin in our morality. Now, I’ve got a question. As we start off today, how many of you know someone don’t raise your hand just think internally, how many of you know someone who has wrecked their life because of sexual sin? Just pause and think about it. How many of you know somewhat maybe you might be in here you might be that someone? How many of you know someone that is struggling with pornography, that has maybe Breck their marriage, or, you know, they’re addicted, and it’s like, man, it controls their life, you’ve seen how it’s wrecking their very intimacy with their spouse or with other people? How many know someone that got pregnant before marriage, and the reality of that happening, and maybe you’re in here, and that’s you. And what happens is you have a single parent raising a child, by themself many times, and then the other consequences, you get pregnant before marriage, and they go and have an abortion. And here’s the tragedy with the abortion, then you come to church, and you feel like man, you know, it should I feel guilty and ashamed. Now, look, that’s in the past. Here’s what I love about God, that all we do is we say, God, please forgive me of my sin. And the Bible says He washes your sin as far as the east is from the west. Which means Yeah, okay. I didn’t know. But now I know. And it’s like, now you experience healing, but you still have some pain from a past wrong decision sexually. You know, think about someone who got an STD on a one night stand, that one night stand didn’t last for one night. What’s What what happened in Vegas, then stay in Vegas, came back with you. If you think about the person who’s promiscuous and then gets married, says, Hey, I’m just gonna get married, that’s gonna fix it. I mean, no, that doesn’t fix it. Now, the consequences of past relationship and the trauma from all those past failed relationships that were totally inappropriate now, because here’s what we got to be careful of right? What we got to be careful of as I’m coming to church, that’s just gonna, I’m gonna fix it all by just being here. And that’s not the truth coming into church doesn’t fix it, we got to change our life and our pattern in the way we live, we got to be transformed into the likeness and into the image of God. And that’s where we get the word of God and say, God changed me. transform me. Think about someone who has had an affair in their marriage, didn’t plan on it, all of a sudden, they wake up and they realize they crossed a line that they never intended to cross. I mean, we all have been, here’s what I would say we’ve all been impacted by people’s sexual sin. There was no margin in their morality. And that’s what we understand is that look, you’re not going to send sexually if you’ve got margin, if you’ve got distance if you’re not getting as close as you possibly can. Now, I also want you to hear this, if any of those situations that we talked about is you. I want you to know you’re in a church that loves you that cares for you. Nobody judges you, we don’t care about your past. Here’s what I loved about our church. We are no asis of love. And that’s what I want you to hear that the devil he can try to shame you and condemn you. God doesn’t do that God loves you. But here’s what God expects from us. Now, when we learn something new, we then implement what we’ve learned and we live our life different. Here’s what I’ve noticed about working with people who have falling into sexual sin and they’ve experienced some tragedy in their life because of it is they always say, I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought it would happen to me. I just didn’t think that I would cross that line. And here’s what I tell my staff and I even tell my kids and I tell myself you’re one step away from stupid

call you write that down to like her. She’s not just like, oh, you need to write that down. What am I saying? I’m just saying listen, you think that you got more self control than you actually do you think you’re stronger than you actually are. And a lot of times, it’s not even you think you just didn’t think, and you got too close and you slipped up into something that you were not guarded against. And here’s what I know, the devil wants to steal, kill and destroy your life, your marriage, your family, your future. And so I’m here to help us protect that. And that’s really the heart of today. Look, if you have fallen into sexual immorality and sin, look, I’m going to help you not do it again. And for those of you that have never, my goal is that you never do that we get to the end of our life. And as we get to the end of it says, we finished strong we hear Jesus say, Well done my good and faithful servant. That’s what today is going to do for us, it’s going to give that margin morally. Now we’re going to define moral margin. So pull out your notes. When you take notes this morning. Moral margin, this is our working definition today. Putting distance between you and temptation, putting distance between you and temptation, that’s moral margin. So distance, I need a buffer. Some of you have got a buffer today, what I hope to do is create more of a buffer. Some of you don’t have a buffer today, we’re gonna create a buffer. And so we’re creating a buffer between us and temptation. Look at James chapter one, verse 13, through 15 James chapter one, verse 13, through 15 says, when tempted, no one should say God is tempting me, for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does anyone tempt anyone or nor does He tempt anyone. So think about when you’re tempted. That’s not God. He’s not he’s not trying to tempt you. It Yeah, he doesn’t tempt anyone says, but each one has been tempted when by his own evil desires. What do you say in there is every one of us have a propensity to certain sins. You know, some things that you have a propensity to that I don’t, but there’s something in you. And so when you’re tempted, it’s not God trying to say, Oh, I’m gonna tempt them. I’m gonna see, no, no, there is a propensity to whatever you’re being tempted by and you’re being tempted by your own evil desire. And then look what he goes, he continues, he says, he is dragged away and enticed, we’re going to come back to that word, dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived, put the rest of that up there. There you go. when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin. And sin when it is full grown gives birth to death, death. So think about this sin has progression. There’s conception, there’s birth, and then there’s a maturing of sin, and it grows. That’s where you see people addicted, you didn’t start addicted. You didn’t start in that bondage. It started with a conception there was your taste your taste, look at the word entice, the Greek word actually means to entrap a lore, entice, hook. So think about this, the enemy is trying to hook you. He’s trying to hook you with the evil desire that’s already within you. So so it’s like, that’s why I say you’re just one step away from stupid because it’s already in us. Just because you’re saved doesn’t mean all of a sudden, everything’s gone. It’s sanctification versus justification, justified in a moment, sanctified over a lifetime. Be transformed by what the renewing of your mind, so I got saved. But now I got to renew my mind. In other words, I’ve been living my whole life the wrong way. Now I gotta say, God, what is your way and then what happens is sin gets easier to say no to as I keep moving away from it. The further the gap, the easier it is. But some had been living so close to the sin line, it’s really difficult. And then you find yourself having crossed lines that you never intended to cross. I mean, I’ve been in ministry now for quite some time and started in youth ministry. I was working with youth and young adults and was always fascinating to me, the question that you get with young people that are dating is how far is too far? It’s not like hey, we’d like because, like, how far can I can a French kiss? Can we hold hands? Can we cut Oh, can we snuggle? I mean, it’s, it’s like, hey, how close can I actually get to something before that something actually hurts me. I mean, when you think about this, this is, of course, such a childish mentality. I mean, you’re not gonna say how close can I get to playing Russian roulette before I die?

No, you’re already probably gonna die. I mean, you wouldn’t walk up to a snake and say, Who there’s a Black Mamba? Come on who let me just get over nah Come on. Let me play boot kicking it No, no. Why? Because you don’t want to get bid you’re not an idiot. You don’t go to the Brasso State Park and watch one of them alligators when maybe you do but I don’t you get over there. I always have a horror story. Like one of them. Alligators have big brothers back here. It’s like they they’re flocking on me. They’re over there. hurting me in a pack. You know? It’s like no, you see an alligator you run your runs. And yet when we see sin we don’t run. We see sin we tell God Hey god, how close can I well that said will kill you Just like a snake or an alligator Russian Roulette, it’s just as deadly. We just don’t always see the consequence of it. Look at what God’s perspective is. Look what he says. And we’re talking specifically sexual immorality in First Corinthians 618. He says, Flee from sexual immorality flee. Now that Greek word when it says flee, is to run away to shun to escape to distance oneself. Run away. So think about sexual immorality run. But how many times it’s like sexual immorality, we just scroll. We just keep scrolling, we would just get a little closer and he’d say run, so he’d be like, dropped the phone, run, Forrest run. I know, I just split my congregation and have old people like I got your young people who’s forced. Run, run. Why? Because he knows that sexual immorality is something that will trap you and kill you and entice you and take you down before you even know it. Now, notice what He doesn’t say, Here’s what he doesn’t say flee from overeating. I know Gluttony is a sin. He didn’t say flee from gossip. That’s a sin. You know, he says, Flee from sexual immorality. So we don’t ask how close can I get? That’s not what the wise person says, The wise person says, I need to build moral margin. So I stay away from this as far away as possible. And he’s talking about the sexual temptation just because it’s dangerous. It’s devastating, it’s destructive. Look at verse 18. All other sins, a man commits, they’re outside of the body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. And I know what you’re thinking, because here’s what I was thinking, Well, I thought all sins were the same. Now, all sin is sin. It all separates you from God. But not all sin has the same consequences. Like there are certain sins and the Bible pulls them out, and clearly tells us like on this, that the consequences are much greater. Let me let me give you an example. You could tell a white lie today. You might have told one today how you doing fine. You just walked out. You just told her why lie come on. You came to church and the house of God and you lied to somebody. You didn’t hurt nobody. But you send a bunch of senators. I mean, think about it. So you could speed to church. I mean, sped to church law was typical. Oh, it’s 10 o’clock. Oh, okay. You spared the church, you know, look, you get pulled over. I mean, it’s a sin. Why? Because it says 35. But I gotta tell you, man, I fall short in that sin often. Until I get a ticket and I’m reminded, but you just pay the fine you move on and you stop speeding if you want to stop paying fines, right? Did you gossip? I mean, you gossip. You might have gossip last night or this morning, my gossip in the car honey Did you hear? That’s a sin to sin. But it doesn’t have the same consequence. You might not have friends. You might not have people they like you. But that’s different kinds of godsword. Think about sexual sin though sexual sin, you can lose your job. Let one of those emails pop up in your spam at your job and you click it and you’re canceled to go. Like, Hey, can you come see us? You no longer work here? Close to me, I’m What about the cost in your marriage cost you your marriage, it could cost you you having your kids grew up with their two parents. It can cost you your very life you get the wrong kind of STD, your self esteem your self respect, you see the gravity of this sin. And yet here’s what’s the problem is that society acts like this sin is no problem at all. It’s totally okay. Everybody’s doing it. It’s hard. Now back in when I was growing up, which I’m not that old, 45 years young, so just a few years older than some of you.

But here’s what I know. Back then. People had a moral compass. So there was a there was a holding back of this reprobate mind of I can do anything like those things happen, but they didn’t happen. But let people watch porn back then you didn’t watch it, you flip through a magazine back with it. You get a few little VHS tapes. But now it comes directly to your phone, whether you’re asking for it or not. And instead of people fighting the temptation, we succumb to it and we say, Oh, it’s just normal. Not it’s not normal, never has been normal and it needs to stop being normal in the church. It’s the only way we’re gonna fight for this generation. You got to stand up for what God says. Otherwise, we’re gonna lose our kids. We’re gonna lose the future. We’re gonna lose our marriages and our families. We gotta say, it is not right. And we’re not going to allow that to happen in our families. We’re going to fight for our families. Look at verse 19. Do you not know that your body is the temple the Holy Spirit who is in you whom you’ve received from God, you’re not your own. You were bought with a price therefore honor God with your body. Think about that. You were bought with a price and I’m not talking to an unbeliever You were bought with a price. But you haven’t received the gift of salvation. You know, if someone says I’m not a follower of Jesus, look, I get it. But if you’re a follower of Jesus Christ, that means he saved you, you were going to hell, God saved you. Now you’re on your way to heaven. When you receive salvation, you exchanged your life for his life. And you said, Now, look, I don’t belong to myself, I’ve surrender myself to him. So your body doesn’t belong to your bondservant of Christ. That means he has the right to say, don’t do it, and you say, I won’t do it. You might not like it might not agree with it doesn’t matter if society says you can do it. I don’t report to society. I serve Almighty God and I choose to surrender my life fully to him. And I get it. It’s not something that people even in church, listen, it’s amazing to me how we can be called the church, but we don’t act like the church. There are churches that don’t even agree with this and preach the they’re like, whatever, doesn’t matter, it does matter. We ought to be such a church that the Bible says is set apart that everybody says, Oh, you go to anchorbend. And I know what kind of a person goes to anchorbend, been sold out radical, they don’t compromise, they got margin in their life, financially, margin, morally, these guys live what they see, I think the world would respect a church that actually live what they believed. And we’re so worried about trying to get them there. So just do what you say you’re gonna do. And I promise you that is so rare, they’re gonna say, well, at least they believe it. And here’s the cool part. Not only do we believe it, but we walk in the power and authority of God, and you will see darkness being pushed back. See, culture says there’s nothing wrong with sex before marriage is another onwards. And here’s the thing, you’d be hard pressed to watch any movie, any show that has a couple having sex that’s married. Nothing. 20 years ago, that would have been unheard of 20 years ago, it’d be taboo. It’s like now we don’t do it. Now. You can’t even find it. And this is what I was telling you. If we’re not teaching this in church, what’s not caught is taught. So you’re not teaching it. The world is showing them that I can live and test drive intimacy, it’s okay to have a sexual partner here, and a sexual partner there. Why? Because we have a vacuum. There’s nothing nobody’s teaching morality. Think about porn. I’m telling you. There was a day it was like people might have looked at it. But you didn’t tell nobody. You looked at it. It’s like, oh, that kind of a person. Now I’m telling you, it’s popular everybody. It’s like, oh, yeah, women looking at porn guys looking at porn, and it’s just like, it’s okay. It’s, it’s what we do you have all the comedian’s talking about, they’re talking about it, because they know that they can’t do anything about it. And the reason they cannot do anything about it is because it’s not just a morality problem. It’s a spiritual problem. You It’s hard pressed to have morals if you don’t have God in your life. That’s why I’m talking to you. We got God in our life. What’s our excuse? We’ve got to say, God, it’s not okay. We’re going to gain back our moral compass and live the life God’s called us to think about affairs. affairs is not a big deal. You hear it? So big deal and it’s glamorized. You don’t even see the consequences. You don’t see the devastation? I had some myself, okay, just don’t get caught. Oh, that’s pervasive. I’ll just just make sure they don’t find you ever, ever. But here’s what everybody’s having them. Here’s a stat that will shock you up to 65% of men who read an article 65% of men. 55% of women will commit adultery by the age of 40. Here’s another staggering statistic that is revealed in this magazine. 20% of men and 15% of women will have an affair in their first year of marriage. That means 35% of marriages start off with an affair. And they think the number is closer to 50%. Because that’s only the ones that reported having an affair.

It’s devastating. We’ve lost our moral compass reminds me of a joke that I read the conversation between a pharmacist and a female customer, the female customer, the woman she went up, she said, Sir, I need to buy some arsenic. The pharmacist said, What do you need arsenic for? The woman said I’m gonna kill my husband. He said what? She said, Oh, absolutely. I’m gonna kill my husband. He said why are you gonna kill your husband? He said well, because he’s having an affair with your wife. She’s a pharmacist. Oh, why didn’t you tell me you had a prescription

kind of needed a little laugh right there was getting deep she just now getting it. I just paused for you. I know you gotta let it marinate a little bit, let it marinate. People without moral margin. I’m going to challenge us today to live differently. I’m going to challenge us to create margin. I’m going to challenge you to live countercultural because what I’m going to share I’m gonna give you eight things in just a moment. It’s countercultural people don’t live like This but we’re gonna do it. Look at Ephesians chapter five, verse three. But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality a hit. It’s my give me a towel. Jared, I’m sweating up here. Turn that air on for me, please. Look, we got a big new duck back there to try to keep me cold. I stopped wearing jackets because of sweat and so much. I’d be soaking wet by the time I got done with a message. But look, he says not even a hint of sexual immorality. Now what you see the Greek word translated sexual immorality is pornea. Not interesting. Throw that out there. Then the Greek word for morality. Sexual immorality is poor Nia, poor Nia. So where did this where we get the word porn from? So he said, Look, there’s not even to be a hint of sexual immorality. And so when we say sexual immorality, when you look at, it’s anything that arouses you sexually anything. So that’s a pretty vast, like, description. So I mean, I don’t know what, what arouses you. But that’s what the Bible would say. You’re not to even have a hint of it. So think about this, if you’re scrolling, and you pause, because you’re like, ooh, that’s attractive. And then some of the opposite gender, how many know that you got to, you got to start to say, Whoa, because what happens? Remember, listen, listen, am I saying that you’re sitting? No, but just remember, sin is conceived. Then it’s born, then it grows. And so here’s what what you know, and everybody is susceptible, you, you scroll, you’re like, oh, kind of, have you ever felt like whoa, then then you do it again. It’s like, Oh, okay. And that’s less than, it’s less than it’s less. And the next thing you know, you start to do decisions and make decisions based on some you wouldn’t have done why? Because we didn’t Flee from sexual immorality, we allowed a hell of it in our life. And sexual immorality, this sin is different than other sins because it sticks to you. sticks with you. It’s painful, it’s emotional. It’s a deeply spiritual thing, sexual intimacy with people. It’s very deeply spiritual. And so he’s challenging us Look, don’t even have a hit. In other words, don’t let the world standards be your standard. So in other words, I’m not gonna look at what the world is projecting as normal. In fact, we’ll watch the shows with my kids. And I constantly Hey, just like that’s not right. You got to know I know, we watched it. Haha, it was good. It was a funny show. But that’s not right. We don’t live that way. And my kids will even say, Yeah, Dad, they’ll pause it and say things and it’s like, why? Because I’m going to teach my kids. That’s not right. That’s not the way we live our life. I’m not pulling me out of the world. But I am going to correct some things that my kids did. No, that’s just not right. It’s not right. It’s not right. So I’m gonna challenge us, here we go. I got eight suggestions that are going to help you build more margin, I’ve never done eight. It’s not gonna take me as long as you think I’m gonna get after it. And here they are better places for us to draw the line to help us build more margin. First thing, you got to dress for spiritual success. Now, notice what I said here, write that down, dress for spiritual success, because you could dress for success in the office one way and you get a lot of attention. Come on somebody. She looks good. Ooh, man. He looks good. You know, there’s a way to dress to get people to notice you. There’s a way to dress to get paid. And then there’s a way to dress for spiritual success. Here’s what I would say. When you go to work. I’m not working for that employer. I’m working for God Himself. How would God want me to dress look, I want to dress nice. I got nice clothes. I want to look good. My wife always wants me to wear tighter clothes. And I’m like, No, baby. I’m not going to do it. I like a little bit of air in my outfits. I’ll reserve that for the house. commotion about you know what I’m talking about? It’s like, why? Because I don’t want to be out there feeling like people are just looking at me. Not that I’m not fun. I’m just telling you. I do good looking though.

But you understand. It’s like I don’t want to be the talk of the town. I want God to be the talk of the town. I want somebody say man, you look good, but man, there’s some kind of we call it modesty. That’s it that’s a word that’s been lost in our culture and I got girls man I’m telling you and my boys are good looking boy so I gotta tell him something I put your shirt on. I mean like God your life models. Phyllis and I do a good job with our kids and my girls. It’s funny because we’ll go shopping and literally there is nothing that is not without showing skin. I’m like, nine year olds. 10 year olds, I’m gonna my daughter is 1011 and you want them to wear this like we have a rule no skin policy. And if you’re gonna wear a skirt, we’re probably gonna put some leggings on it too. I’m just telling you there ought to be something and it’s is it difficult. Listen, I’m not telling you it’s not difficult. But if you dress like a commodity don’t be surprised when people treat you like a commodity. You here’s what I hear people come to church, and they want a different guy but they keep fishing with the same bait. Whatever bait you use is the guy you’re going to catch. Stop baiting your hook like you were At the Club, and then you might find somebody that finds modesty attractive. I mean, wear whatever you want to wear at the house when you’re married. I don’t care. Don’t tell me about it, but go have fun, do whatever. But when you’re out, I’m just telling there’s something to be said for dressing for spirit. Why? Because we’re building moral margin. Second thing, keep four feet on the floor. I know that stump somebody that I passed, I got two feet, you got to, and the person next to you has to. And if you’ll both keep four feet on the floor, now if you’re married, you take your feet off the floor, you do whatever you want to. But you know when I’m saying though, it’s hard to do something if all of our feet are on the floor. I kiss you. Hey, turned to me. Okay, I’ll turn toward you. Don’t pick my feet up his feet. You start to cuddle. You’re watching a movie. You say put your foot back on that floor boy. Don’t cuddle too much. Why? It’s just it’s a practical thing. It’s what I tell my kids. Hey, four feet on the floor. Four on the floor before on the floor. Why? Because again, we’re building more margin. Is there anything wrong with you know, snuggling and cuddling now But listen, if your 16 year old is trying to snuggle and cuddle, where do you go from there? I’m concerned about seeing kids. So so close. And I mean, where do you go from there teenagers. They can’t even think straight. There’s so many hormones exploding in and out of their body. It’s like my God, just help us and then you look young adults married. It’s everybody four on the floor. Okay, that’s all I’m gonna say. Okay. Third thing, look, no sleepovers or playing house. I’m telling you just shooting straight today. Just practical. Love those staying the night at someone’s house, who’s a friend who’s of the opposite gender. You were just friends. That’s how it always starts. Oh, we just comfort each other. It always starts that way. Look, if you’re dating, there’s no reason for the person you’re dating to ever say that. I just stopped using their toothbrush. Stop wearing their pajamas. You’re like, oh, but it’s good. We’re safe. No, listen, you ought to be smart enough to not trust yourself. All it takes is one time for you to mess it up. You’re one stupid decision away from stupid. And if you just constantly remind yourself of that, it’s like, Man, I’m not playing house. I will. As soon as you put a ring on it baby put a ring on it. I play house all day long. You’d have sleepovers all the time. It’ll be funny when you’re single. You want sleepovers when you’re married? You like hey, scoot over give me a little more room. We might need a we might need a king bed. So weird out happens. For the avoid long intimate kisses again, am I saying kissing is wrong? I’m not saying it’s wrong. But man, you have a passionate kiss. Who in the last world there’s some things that awaken inside of you. You can’t put that genie back in the bottle. Just don’t want to go back. It’s like, oh my gosh. So you have to truly say, Never again. Is any of this wrong? No. But what we are saying stop laughing I realized what I said. Hey, so what we’ve got to understand is this. We are trying to build moral margin, moral margin. And again, you know, it’s like, Man, I’m just not gonna have long, passionate kisses with someone. I’m reminded the story of me and Phyllis in the hot tub. I

know. We got so many new people. You just need to hear this because your pastor, this first lady, she is aggressive. And we were dating, we dated for 1516. We broke up, we ended up becoming best friends. And then we’re about early 20s 2021. We got married. So we went from friendship, or with dating broke up friends. And then we literally just got engaged in seven months got married. And in between that time we’d had other sexual relationships with other people. So when her and I came back together the second time, I told her I said, Look, I do not want to ruin this. I want us to stay pure and we were living for God. I’m like, I messed up with other people. I don’t want to mess up with you. And she felt the same way. And so we did really good for a couple of months and we went to Granny’s house. Come on Granny, you’re the culprit. She’s right here on the front row. Grand grip I’ve always had a hot tub Well that’s our tradition to get in the hot tub. So I told Phyllis to bring a swimsuit and she said that I premeditated it but what she doesn’t say is the granny also has a pool. So I was thinking swimming in the pool but the opportunity arose for us to get into the hot tub. So we got in the hot tub unsupervised and your pastor jumped me she just kissed me and would not let it go and I’m like cool. And you know I didn’t fight it. You know she’s she’s she’s so hot. I’m like well, I will tell you this wasn’t wrong. Was it a sin? It might be God may judge her later, but I’m just selling it’s not really fair. Today is not really fair. I know. It’s not fair. It’s terrible. I’m sweating now. But here’s what I know. From that day on we struggled with our purity. And that’s the God’s honest truth. We both had sexual encounters. From that moment on it was really difficult. We made it to our marriage are wet. They barely, barely. And what did I realize we didn’t have enough moral margin. And again, if this is what we’re building, we’re building margin, just mark, I don’t want to cross that line as something that can destroy my life. Number five, avoid dangerous places, wherever that would be, you know, if it’s happy hour with the crew, after work, look, I don’t know what you do. I don’t know what your company does. And I’m not opposed. I know certain businesses say we’re going to happy hour cool, do it. But if that happy hour is your place of danger, you don’t go because your boss would rather you help the than in a place spiraling out of control because of your sexual improprieties. And I just think you got to be willing to say, well, maybe this job is not worth it. If they’re telling me I have to go, maybe it’s not worth it. Maybe it’s overnight trips, maybe that’s a dangerous place, you get into the hotel, you’re alone, maybe it’s late night on the computer, I don’t know what it is. But you have got to avoid, here’s what you ought to have as a list of these are my danger places. And then you just vigilantly guard against going into those places. Sixth thing, monitor internet activity, that to monitor your internet activity. Today, you know, again, there was a day where you if you wanted porn, you actually had to go and get it at the grocery store and get it from but the guy behind the counter, I know, this generation knows nothing about that. But there was something safer about it not safe, but safer. Because you knew anybody could walk in at any time. And there was a certain sense of dignity, like I don’t want nobody to see me buying that. Now this stuff comes to your phone and your computer, whether you want it or not honest to God, you get spam, something happens. So what I’ve done is I’ve created an account with covenant eyes. So my whole family, all of us are on covenant eyes. And that’s just a software that helps us on our phones, helps us on our computers. And it’s just the reality of understanding the enemy is one step away from you in your home, you literally have a right there. And whether you’ve asked for it or not, you can fall into the temptation, and not only monitor your internet activity, you got to get that accountability. Find someone that can hold you accountable. And that software does you have these allies, it sends notifications. I mean, it’s really awesome. To have people helping to look out making sure that you’re safe. And then I want to encourage you with this with accountability, we’re launching small groups in two weeks. There is nothing greater than having a group of people that you can be totally open and honest with. And if you’re struggling in areas, you may not have to tell the whole group but find someone in the group say, Look, man, this is a place that is a danger place. This is where I struggle. Can you be the person that I call and text, I promise you that you’re in a church that doesn’t judge you, we love you. We’re just happy that you’re on this journey. And we’re committed to going on the journey with you. But you have to join a group, you have to be a part of a community. And so we already have I think 26 groups online, go to the website, anchor ben.com backslash, small groups, find a group we’re going to launch with some rally days, next couple of weeks, find a tribe to live with. Amen. Okay, two more things. The second seventh thing is avoid time alone with the wrong person. So wrong people, I’m not going to be alone with them. So don’t get in a car with someone of the opposite sex.

I have a policy my staff the church, you don’t ride by yourself with anybody in the car, that’s of the opposite gender, I’m just not going to do too many intimate conversations can happen. And we want to flee from the appearance of evil. So we’re going to avoid all of that. Look, I want to challenge you, you go on dates and or you go you’re at work and you end up on a lunch date. Maybe you’re married, he’s married, but we gotta eat lunch together. I was sad to eat lunch together. No, no, no. Don’t do that. It’s so common. It blows my mind that someone who’s not married to each other would say won’t co workers, we’re gonna go have lunch together. Now you need to add a few other people. Or you need to say I’m picking up some Mickey D’s like, I’m not putting myself and it’s so normal. Like, it’s like what’s wrong with that? Oh, nothing’s just me. So you just blame it on? I just not I’m not gonna do that. I mean, how many of you would feel good if you knew your spouse went out to eat with someone you wouldn’t you trust Him, you love him. But we’re building the margin Come on somebody. Hey, and don’t go on trips. I was gonna say this too, in a day and age where businesses will send people on trips. Like if it’s just a guy and a girl going on a trip, take separate flights, stay in different hotels, when I travel and it’s something like that. I’ve had to do that in the past. We don’t stay at the same hotel. I’m on a different flight. I’ve got somebody meeting me there. I’m just telling you. That’s how you safeguard your life. Well, that’s extreme pastor. It is extreme. It is and I’m asking us to be extreme. Your family is worth fighting for your marriage is worth fighting for. Your kids are worth fighting. But it is time for us to be extreme. And say I’m not going to allow myself to be sucked in by sexual immorality. Again, it’s the entice it’s just little it’s just a hook. We’re not going to do it. Last thing is guard your eyes, your mind and your heart. Watch what you read. Don’t read romance novels. Be real careful. Like like you’re not writing things Look magazine Sports Illustrated. I get it but man that you always end up getting the swimsuit edition and muscle mag Look, I don’t even read muscle magazines. Why? Because everybody’s half naked. Does it make you wrong? Nobody’s like, why I’m just not gonna do it. Don’t read your wife’s Victoria’s Secret magazine secretly when she gets it in the mail. Write me watch what you watch. Just remember, tell the vision. That TV is telling you a vision. What vision are you putting into your heart and in your psyche and into your soul? And as we sit there with our kids, it’s telling them what’s normal. And what’s okay. And I’m just telling you, you got to be careful. Netflix is I mean, I used to love No, and I’m like, There’s nothing that you can watch hardly, that doesn’t have sex, drug use violence, and I’m just telling you, we’ve got to live different. If you get garbage in garbage will come out. Bible says guard your heart above all things. It’s the wellspring of life. Then guard your mind. Don’t fantasize, be real careful. Don’t fantasize about past experiences. Don’t fantasize about people. Like what thoughts come in your mind? Here’s what happened you like well, but they don’t even know or it’s somebody that what will happen is you will subconsciously start to make a way towards that person. That’s why Second Corinthians says verse chapter 10, verse five, we take captive every thought, and we make it obedient unto Christ. Take captive, not allow my mind to dwell there. I know you got in the fight with your wife. But that person from the past is not better than that person you’re married to. And the grass will be green wherever you focus, watering it. So we take just as much effort as we do fantasizing, and put it into our marriage. I wonder what kind of a marriage we would have.

I love a job today was the job 31 And the one year Bible, if you don’t read the one, your Bible will encourage you, it gives you every day, New Old Testament, New Testament Psalms, Proverbs. It’s fascinating. I’ve done it for over a decade. Every day I read the Bible today was Joe 31. And Joe made a statement. He said, He’s talking to God about his grievances. He’s lost everything. And then he’s telling God, I’ve made a covenant with my eyes, not to look lustfully at a woman that I would not covet my neighbor’s wife and I would not cover young girls. But I thought about that, how many of us have actually made a covenant with our eyes? I mean, that’s intense. But that’s how do job was just I’m not going to do it. And I’m telling you, if we’re gonna build more margin in our lives, that’s the intensity we have to gotta make a covenant that I’m not gonna do these things. Make a covenant with my eyes. I mean, fathers. I have four kids. I want my daughters to say my dad never looked at my friends. While by their mom, my dad’s eyes are straight. He loves my mama he’d never look anywhere else. And I’m telling you I’m head over heels for Phyllis. The same thing with my son’s I want my son’s to walk out. Look, everybody’s good. You gotta bounce. But but the more you bounce, the easier it gets. So dad’s in wouldn’t wouldn’t you want the story of your son to be like, my dad never looked at girls not when they’re walking by you’re checking that girl up like this. And right by her, they see all that the greatest testimony of my my dad, I can tell you. My dad wasn’t in pastoring he I’m a first generation pastor. He owned restaurants. So I’m a business guy. We were raised in restaurants. I just I’ve always been a part of business. But one of the things, you know, restaurants if you’re in any type of restaurant, I mean waitstaff are little I mean, you know, it looked cray cray the party culture party scene, and so big restaurant, so all that’s available. But my dad’s whole life. I never, I never saw him look at a woman other than my mom. And when we walked by people I’d never saw but he’s just the most modest and humble person in a culture where that is so abnormal. It’s one of the greatest attributes I just, I’m always like, dad was so good. He wouldn’t he want a pastor, he didn’t even go to church that often because he was working the rush, but there was a moral compass and he loved God. It was like God touched him. You know, he told me the day he said, God, I don’t think you’re your real. He was driving down the road. Say God, you don’t even know my name. But that said he was trapped. In the back of the car, you’re wrong. He said he pulled that car, freaked him out, pulled over gave his life to Jesus right there. He said, God I know you know my name. You know my name. And there was something about it. I don’t know why I’m so emotional. I’m just telling. I want my kids to say they had we finished now we got close to the line. We have more margin. Father, I thank you for what you’re doing. Lord, we ask you do what only you can do God I pray the message. just spoken to us in such a real way help us. Just talk to God. Some of you maybe it’s a reminder some of you maybe, maybe there is a little repentance that needs to happen. God, I got a little closer. Maybe you crossed some lines. You feel the presence of God. That’s where we just we asked him to not forgive us. Help us. He’s a loving father. He doesn’t. He’s done braid us and beat us down. He wants to lift us up. You got this? I know you didn’t have a model in your family. I know you come from a broken home. I know. I know. We got all the reasons why you where you are now. But here’s what I know. You can change the generations beyond you with what God does in you right now. That’s the power of the Holy Spirit. When we stand up, we stand and Father we thank You, Lord. We praise you. we magnify you We glorify. Come on, you feel His presence. God we love God, we can just talk to him. Thank you, Lord, praise you. God magnifies you. Just responded.

Yes, worship, we worship. Thank you, Lord. Thank You, Lord Jesus. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Lord. You know what I felt I felt when I talked about abortions. I felt that this would just feel like the Holy Spirit. I want you to know that God loves you. You’re forgiven. Here’s the cool thing about it. I believe your babies in heaven with Jesus right now. That’s the thing we get we say God thank you. They the other were mistakes. But here’s what I want you to know. There’s someone riddled with guilt right now. And I want you to know that’s the enemy trying to destroy your intimacy with God. They’ve got you. He’s got you so convinced that God is angry with you and mad at you. And God’s wrapping his arms of love around you right now. He loves you. He loves you Father, we pray I’m gonna pray. I don’t know who you are. But I feel that Lord right now I declare that your cleansing blood will just flow through their heart. Lord, I pray right now that you would remove any guilt, the shame and condemnation, God, we release your forgiveness, we release your love, we release your power, that right now that that torment would stop in Jesus name. Lord, we pray freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom. Right now. In Jesus name. Wow, what a powerful moment. Thank you, Lord, thank You, Lord, we receive that. Now keep your head bowed. The eyes closed. I want to do this. If you’re in the room, you don’t have a relationship with God, I want to lead you in a moment of surrender. I think there’s two groups of people. I think there’s some of you here, you had a relationship with God, but you back slid. That’s what we kind of call it in the church. I was living for God. But I turned away from God now want to come back to God, I think you’re in this room right now or you’re watching online. Then there’s a second group those that have never had a relationship with God. It’s like you’ve never surrendered your life to him. You’ve never confessed Him as your Lord and Savior. But now the grace of God is in this room and you feel him drawing you to him. That’s God. God draws you to him. And so now what you have to do is you have to respond. When you feel the grace of God, you respond how you confess Him as Lord, Romans 10 Nine and 10 says that if we will confess Him as Lord with our mouths, and believe in our hearts, the Bible say you will be saved. In that amazing, it’s not about your works. It’s the confession and the belief. And that salvation takes place and we’re totally different. We walk out differently in the power in the grace of God. I believe you’re in the room heads about eyes are closed either one of you coming back to daughter going to God for the first time to surrender. I’m going to ask you to raise your hands on the count of three i want to see you I’m praying with and then we’re going to pray count of 3123 if that you raise your hand quickly right now. Ready to surrender my life to him ready to come back to it? Yes, I see. Yep. Yep. Come on. Your Online said That’s me. That’s me. That’s me. Come on church. Tell them how proud you are. Know that. Come on with a pray this prayer. Say, Jesus, I need you. I surrender my life to you. I give you all have me. In exchange for all of you. Forgive me of all of my sin. Wash away my past. I confess. You’re my lord. Right now. In Jesus name. Amen. Come on. Thanks for joining us for the podcast today. I hope you enjoyed it. If you did, would you go and leave us a review wherever it is that you’re consuming the content. That would mean a lot to me personally, I’d love to hear your story and get to know what God is doing. Also, when you go to Facebook, go to our social media Instagram. Tag us come and join the community. And until next week, keep moving your life forward.


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