Today, we will discover the key ingredient that separates people who accomplish their goals from those who get stuck and quit. I will define the key ingredient and share with you three questions that will help you self-assess and clarify what it is that you want in life.
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Jimn Kyles 0:00
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your life forward. Today we’re going to talk about a key ingredient that separates people who accomplish their goals versus those who get stuck and quit. So if that’s something you need to learn today, you’re listening to the right episode of our podcast. I’m your host Jimn Kyles. I’m here with Jolea Garza.
Jolea Garza 0:22
Yes. Oh, I’m so excited
Jimn Kyles 0:24
For everybody watching you got your fingers?
Jolea Garza 0:27
Yeah, I can’t wait to talk about this. It’s gonna be a great conversation.
Jimn Kyles 0:31
Absolutely. Want to thank you for joining us. If you’re joining us via YouTube, and you’re watching, Hello, we’re so glad to have you. If you’re listening on a podcast, we’re so delighted to have you on this journey. Man. We’ve had some really great podcasts. We’re in Episode 18. Can you believe that?
Jolea Garza 0:47
Oh my gosh? If it feels long and short. I feel like we’ve been doing this forever. And yet. That’s right. Yeah. But we haven’t been doing it long enough.
Jimn Kyles 0:54
Time flies when you’re having fun. That’s right. Well, for those of you that are new episode drops every Tuesday morning at 5am. So I want to encourage you, just subscribe, subscribe on YouTube, you can subscribe on iTunes, wherever it is that you consume your content. And every Tuesday at 5am. You’ll get fresh content, we work really hard to make sure that these podcasts have content that will help you move your life forward. It’s been great over the last 16-17 of the episodes. Really we’ve been taking some pieces out of my book.
Jolea Garza 1:26
Yeah, Which launches November 15?
Jimn Kyles 1:27
I can’t believe it. Yeah. So if you’re listening, you know, you’re listening. You might actually even it’s already launched, just go check it out. You can buy it at Amazon or preorder it. You can also pre order at my website, www.jimnkyles.com. So I think there’s some discount codes there if you go to www.jimnkyles.com. And but it’s been an exciting journey. And then you know, it’s not just about the book, really, the whole goal of the podcast is that no matter where you find yourself, we want to help you get unstuck and become unstoppable. We want you to help move your life forward. So we’ve all been stuck in life. In fact, when I was writing the book and doing a lot of the research, I was shocked. Oh my god, how many people, the studies show 80% of Americans feel stuck. Wow, isn’t that crazy? Because I thought it was just me.
Jolea Garza 2:15
Well, then it’s so funny. Because then you have conversation after conversation. You’re like, man, well, that person stuck, just like I used to be. You just realize, you know, what we’ve described as so many other things, or it really just comes down to being stuck in different areas of your life.
Jimn Kyles 2:30
Well, and we’ve loved it. Love the community. Join us on Facebook, with a community just keeps building. Now today, we’re gonna talk about something that is critically important. If you’re going to get unstuck, or if you’re going to accomplish your goals if you’re going to move your life forward. And you don’t necessarily it’s not I wouldn’t say a hot topic right now. Right, which I find very interesting. I was actually, I’m a pastor, I was reading my John Maxwell Bible. And he had a part in the Bible. And it was actually what we’re going to talk about today. Because as I was reading it, I thought, wow, yeah, that’s that’s what we need.
Jolea Garza 3:04
Well, I think I’m really excited because it’s such underestimated, you might not even consider it. Yeah, but but for somebody like me, who loves accomplishing goals, who loves winning, and wants to do everything they can to do that. This is such a key. And it’s so silly that we don’t think about it. No more often.
Jimn Kyles 3:21
Yeah. Well, the key is, and I know you drumroll, please.
Jolea Garza 3:24
What is it?
Jimn Kyles 3:24
Jolea Garza 3:25
Ooh, great word?
Jimn Kyles 3:27
Ain’t it a great word? Yeah. Because a lot of times you’ll think of desire in maybe the negative context, like the sexual desire or maybe a hunger desire,
Jolea Garza 3:35
Right. Or it’s yeah, it’s like core for satisfying and so like buying shopping? Oh, my God, oh, my God. Yeah. Desire a big diamond, or, you know, what are your desires, and so definitely a different way to look at it.
Jimn Kyles 3:49
And so what we’re going to talk about is the desire with the strong want and almost a need to accomplish something. And it’s, it’s a longing for and it’s not necessarily just the feeling of something that you don’t need, but you really want that guilty pleasure. No, desire would be the goals, the the aspirations, the dreams that God has placed in your heart. That desire is what it’s funny, because you would think people have desire. Yeah. But as I was reading through John Maxwell’s comments, and even some of the questions that we’re going to share today, I thought, Oh, wow. Yeah. You know, because we talk a lot about grit. Yeah, talk a lot about resolve, you know, just the tenaciousness of staying on something. But I think what this does is we’re gonna break down, we’re just gonna give you three questions to ask, that will help you clarify what it is that you want, and then continue to help you move forward on that journey so that you don’t quit because how many of us have said we wanted something but you quit?
Jolea Garza 4:50
Yeah. Well, it’s so true. I’m like, let me just say I think This one word separates the boys from the men. You know, it really does.
Jimn Kyles 4:58
And women from the girls,
Jolea Garza 5:01
You know, it really does. Because I think for business leaders and and even maybe in your personal life, or maybe you’re a young professional or maybe you’ve been in business for a while, and you’ve set goals, how many of us sit down at the beginning of the year and we set all these goals and we’re like rah, rah rah was rallying cry, you know, here’s where we’re going and New Year’s resolutions. And then most of us don’t ever accomplish those goals. And then we just set new ones without frustrated what Yeah, so what separates those that accomplish goals? And those that set great goals, but never accomplish them? Is the desire.
Jimn Kyles 5:37
Desire was broken down in three questions, which are they’re so profound, and yet so simple. But we typically asked the first question, and that’s what you alluded to with, like the New Year’s resolutions and the goals. And the first question, so I’m gonna give you three questions that you’ve got to answer, so that your desire is focused and maximized to actually get what it is that you desire, the dreams of your heart, the, the place where you God’s called you to go. But the first one is, what do you want? So that’s pretty simple.
Jolea Garza 6:06
This is the easiest question. And this is where most people stop, right? And so what we usually do is we’ll write down new year’s resolutions, this is what I want. It’s almost like, this is the grocery list of goals, right? So you literally just sit there and you’re just writing down, man, I want a new car and I want to be debt free. And I want to you know, I want to go on vacation. I want to have a good marriage. Yeah, it’s just a grocery list of just things that you want is the easiest thing to do. Because you can look around and just say, Man, I want all of that so easy. You know. And so I think that’s the easiest question to answer. But I mean, maybe we could dive a little bit deeper. What are some of the good guidelines parameters to define what you really do want?
Jimn Kyles 6:48
Yeah, so what would be I think, for me, it’s, it’s really what moves my life forward, right? Because I want a lot of things, you know, I’d love to have a nicer, you could list it all out. But the truth is those nice things they sat they it’s a it’s a pseudo fulfillment, it’s false. It’s a false satisfying thing. So what I want is what is going to actually move my life forward. So of the list that you kind of said, right there, I think part of it would be I want a better marriage, right? You know, which my marriage is great, but I always want to be better. I want a healthier body. You know why? Because a great marriage and a healthy body equates to a great life to where I can. So I think I would I would narrow it down to where are the real things that will move my life forward, versus the superficial, because the superficial, I think is kind of that false desire, that’s that that guilty pleasure, desire, you know, I’d like to have a nicer ring, I’d like to have..and it’s ok. But I think that that’s where don’t move you forward.
Jolea Garza 7:49
Yeah. And I love the illustration of always, hey, you lean your ladder up against a building, and you climb to the top just to realize it’s the wrong building. And so we want to lead our ladder up against the right shoe, you know, what we do want, I just walk the staff through the wheel of life, and like we talked about before, but it does separated into just seven areas. So it talks about your love life, it talks about finances, it talks about work. And so maybe you define what you want within the parameters of some of the things that really feed into a well rounded life.
Jimn Kyles 8:19
Then all the extra stuff is just extra Yeah. But we’re gonna pursue and invest our time and energy and effort to the things that really matter. But here’s the second question that I thought this is a question that you know, as you list out your wish list your Christmas Santa Claus list. You know, a lot of people don’t say this or answer this next question. And it’s probably one of the it is one of the most important questions you could ask is why do you want it Wow, the WoW see a lot of times we do the what? But we don’t do the why. And yet it’s the why that pushes through when the what gets hard.
Jolea Garza 8:54
Yep. And that’s why I love that it’s so hard it’s so much harder, right when you write when you just write down the ones super easy, but then just take the time to write down the why
Jimn Kyles 9:06
right why do I want to better marriage well because I want to end my life with the woman that I started my your journey with your journey with. I want my kids to have a great example I want to be fulfilled I mean, you just it’s like wow, okay, so now you start to say well this is worth fighting for
Jolea Garza 9:24
Yeah, I think it’s it’s twofold. It’s so I think about the word investment. So taking the time to write the WHY is an investment and then the Why becomes the reason you invest. That’s right. Right. So so when you think about you know, what do I want you know, maybe you want to be financially free and so then it’s why hey, I want to leave a legacy for my children. I want to build wealth I want to retire at 45 Amen. You know, like you just all these things, whatever it is that you want. If you start to write down the why and take the time, it’s the fuel then it fuels Okay, well then what And that time, I’m gonna put in the energy, I’m gonna put in the effort, I’m going to put in the resources to accomplish what I want.
Jimn Kyles 10:07
Because we know that whatever your desire is your want, it’s the journey is gonna be hard. Yeah, because everybody wants a lot of things, but you rarely see it. And that’s why even in the introduction of the podcasts, we said, the one that separates those who accomplish their goals versus those that don’t. And it’s not just a surface, here’s my list of things I want, you got to go deeper. And that’s one of the things that I love about the podcast is that we really try to take you to the layers deeper and beneath it. So it’s great. You can listen to this, and it’s really going to help you. But you got to work. Like every podcast, there’s almost a homework assignment. Because, you know, I’ve been in counseling for years, my mom was a counselor growing up and someone says something wrong with you. I think something’s wrong with everybody. We live in a fallen world. And so I want to be the best version of me. But I still have to tell you, I’ve been in counselling with eight, nine years. I still hate weekly counseling. You know, we’ll get on time. Yeah. Because every single week, I get a homework assignment, or I’ve got to now I’ve got a process through why I felt that and what happened and take the layers. But here’s what I know. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And then you recognize as I go deeper, I’m stronger. Yeah. So good. And that’s what we want. We don’t want fragile lives. We want strong lives that are built on solid. A solid rock. Yeah. So the why is so good, because we know the day is gonna get tough. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, even I was thinking, the fitness journey, you know, trying to lose that COVID fifteen. Anybody else out there? Yeah, just
Jolea Garza 11:39
call it! Freshman fifteen was enough. COVID was actually COVID 30. It’s really what it ended up being.
Jimn Kyles 11:47
Well, it’s so but I had to even say why it’s because I want to live a long, healthy life with my kids. I want to be active. I remember even just coming through the pandemic. And when I turned 40, I’m 45 now, I had a goal that I was going to be healthy, and I did it for three years. Then COVID hit and it was funny. Just a year and a half later, I had gained so much of that weight back and just realizing how out of breath I was. You know, my kids are active. They’re teenagers, they’re, you know, pre-teens. Yes. So I think that was it, man. That’s why worked out today. No, I didn’t do a 30 minute workout but I did 20. Something. I told Phyllis I’m a winner, not a whiner. That’s great. And it was great. You know, but it is the why? Because I want to be healthy. You know, I saw a picture. I think I showed you the meme. Maybe we can post it on Facebook. It was one of the things that honest to God inspired me for getting coming out of COVID. Did you see that one where it said 45? You had a guy with a big beer belly? And he’s and then this? No, maybe it was it was 55 I think it was 55 or 65 year olds. And so it’s older guy. One is this big, massive beerbelly. And this other guy’s ripped and looks good. The ripped guy looks like he’s 45. The other guy looks like he’d been rode hard and put up when he was just a mess. And then the bottom had said The only difference is life choices. Wow. And I thought, Oh, I don’t want to be this old guy. Let me let me right now. And I just thought, what is the difference – life choices, life choices, but it’s the why. So first, you got to know what is it that you want? Right? Second thing is why do I want it but the third layer to even go deeper. And I thought this was a really great question is How bad do you want it? So good. How about you? So I know why I want it. But have you had some things that you wanted? But you didn’t want that?
Jolea Garza 13:39
Yeah, right. That’s so true. So true, say all this too much as well. And the why the why drives helps drive this. Yeah, and how important it is to you. So you can say, you know, I want to I want to invest in my marriage because I want to be married for a long time. But how important is it to you is like, Man, I really want my kids to see a great example. And I want to set the pace for generation to generation of healthy marriages. Exactly right, then it drives men like this. Is that important? So I wonder if there are times where it’s like, Man, I want to do this because my family would be happy or you know, but the why has to really resonate with you. And maybe well a passion.
Jimn Kyles 14:20
And I think what I thought about is this, put your right your want, I want boom and then the why boom. I think the key that we ought to be answering down there is how committed Am I to this? So you know, I think it’s okay to say well, I’m about half hearted committed right? But you realize if I’m half heartedly committed, I’m gonna get a little bit down the road, but I’m probably not gonna get to the but I have found just to be honest with ourselves. It was funny the other day, I told Phyllis I had to get something done. And in the years past, I would have made up an excuse why didn’t get done and she said, Why didn’t Why didn’t it get done? I said, Because I procrastinated right and I think What I’m learning is just be honest, I just procrastinate. I didn’t want to do it right. I procrastinated. I’m not gonna blame anybody. But I’m gonna get it done today. I think the same is true with with the desire and what your goals are and what you want. Like, just be honest, because then if you don’t get there, you at least know was half hearted effort. And then what I have found is this, I’m gonna write half heart and just be open and like fitness. Okay, I want to do good, but I don’t know if I’m fully committed. So that’s okay. What would a half hearted commitment look like? Well, I’m gonna workout every day, but I may not eat everydat right? That’s every day. Yeah, you see, I think it’s okay, to be honest. And say, the fool would say, I’m going to eat healthy and gonna work out. But the hack was like, I’m willing to do this, but I don’t think I’m willing to do that. Right? Well, then I can at least have great measure of success. There’s a true authentic evaluation. And then I can say, if it didn’t work out, well, then I need to put more effort or I need to just forego the goal.
Jolea Garza 15:52
Right? I think it’s so funny, you know, I was I was gonna throw my husband under the bus. That was like, just a, an illustration is the honey dues that I have? It’s like, Hey, if you would just go build that? If he is not, he’ll like say, yeah. Maybe you be honest. And say, I’m half hearted, committed over a third of the way committed to this is probably not gonna get done.
Jimn Kyles 16:18
But how can I help you get 100% committed? Listen, I barter. It’s like, if I’ll do this, you’ll do that. Right. So
Jolea Garza 16:27
then you give some incentive? What I what I do love about that. So getting back on topic, but what I do love about that is, how badly do you want it. So I want to talk about like, taking time to Life plan, I think leaders, especially if you’re if you’re wanting to accomplish goals, if you’re if you’re trying to move a business forward, you know, you do have to take time to sit down and actually answer these questions. And then maybe that’s how you determine what are you wholeheartedly committed to. So it’s like, I have all these goals, and I have all of these things that I want to do and accomplish. I have my why’s, but these are the ones I am 100% committed to like, let me move those forward and make them the banner of my life. Well, and here’s
Jimn Kyles 17:07
what I found to the older when I was younger, you’re what I mean, you’re much younger than me. But when I was your age, I would, I would have lots of goals. And what I learned was, in a year’s time, I don’t try to change everything. If I could just change one, right? And be fully committed to it. And then to you know, the next year, it’s another thing Well, that’s two things, right? You’re three, that’s three things, well, in 10 years have changed 10 things, and I was successful. So my life has radically changed. Whereas before I’d be like then, I got five things I’m gonna change. And I’ve got this and that, and I’ve just learned, just do one thing. So if I’m trying to build a new discipline, I’m gonna build a new discipline in one area in one thing, and I’m gonna do it for 12 months. And then the next year, I’m gonna focus on this area,
Jolea Garza 17:53
we’re so I’m definitely in that overzealous phase. It’s like, I want to do everything all right now. But I think about that illustration of chopping the wood. There’s actually a great book, I can’t remember. But so it talks about the, the chopping the wood, right? So you chop the wood, but let’s say, to make the to make the tree fall. But what would happen if you chop one tree and then chop the next tree and chop the next tree right next to you versus if you just chop the wood on the same tree over and over
Jimn Kyles 18:19
five times? This deals what’s your five? Yeah. And so what are five things that you do consistently every day? So you try to go chop down a tree every day. And yes, that works for a little while. But a lot of times people burn out. So his whole analogy and illustration is, hey, take that same axe, go hit the tree five times in the same spot every day. And then what happens over a lifetime is you chopped down a forest full of trees, with only five hits every day. And that consistency will get you way further down the road than the all out try to get it all done quick. You know, you burn out. And so the such a powerful, powerful tool.
Jolea Garza 18:56
I love the thing you can’t be wholeheartedly I personally don’t think you can be wholeheartedly committed to everything. I think this is another great.
Jimn Kyles 19:03
Here’s here’s how you listen to them unstuck and unstoppable podcast. So what I would do is this, this is where I’d have taken this information, and really began to apply it. Where’s the place where I feel stuck, right? And I need to evaluate my desire. So that’s where I would say so I always look at what’s the one area that if I worked on the hardest would bring the greatest results in my life. So what areas that you Is it your career? Is it your family? Is it your finances? Is it your personal health? Maybe it’s your mental health? Maybe it’s your spiritual life, the one area just diagnose, just do a quick diagnosis of, hey, where do I really need to focus? And then say, let’s evaluate the desire area or portion of that life. So what is it that I want in that life, that area of my life? What is it Why do I want it? And then how committed Am I to it? And if you’ll just focus on that, fix that area, then go to the next right and then go to the next so just do one at a time how long until that area change. So don’t try to go change it fix everything, change the thing that matters most. And then, because again, the key is I just need my life to keep moving forward. And I want it to be sustainable long term growth and change.
Jolea Garza 20:11
Yeah. And then just one more thing I think about, you know, the commitment. I also think evaluating the seasons, we talked a little bit about seasons in a previous podcast, different seasons call for different things, and, and what you’re doing in different season purpose might change in different seasons. And so you can commit and maybe you have great vision and great goals for a lot of different areas, but identify the season your season, and then commit to doing what you need to to well, you know,
Jimn Kyles 20:37
I was just thinking about the young families, you got people listening, they’re in careers, but they got young kids, I look, that season of your life and your career is gonna look different than when you have no kids or when your kids are older. You know, for us, we launched this church and my kids were babies, I had a one year old, a two year old, a five year old and a seven year old. Well, now my seven year old is 16, you know, and my middle son is 14, my middle daughter is 11. My youngest is 10. Well, that’s a different season. So I can I can evaluate that season with my goals. And in fact, it’s one of the reasons I could write the book last year is because I was in a different season, but when you got four kids who are toddlers does not. So that’s a valid point. Evaluate your season so well, it’s so good. I love this topic. I hope it’s helped you. You’ve got these questions there in the show notes as well. So if you got wherever you consume the content, look in the descriptions, we put all kinds of links there. I’ll try to put the picture too on Facebook or something. Remind me to put it on Facebook. So you got to go to our community page. It is a fantastic picture. And you will know why it motivated me. Yeah. And I’ll put it on our community page. Just look up unstuck, unstoppable on Facebook, in social media, and I’ll have it there. It’ll be a great for a laugh. So perfect. Yeah. Well, until next time, our goal is to help you keep moving your life forward. Would you subscribe to the podcast? Wherever it is that you consume it? Let it come to your inbox every week.
Jolea Garza 22:08
Yeah. And then if you haven’t already join the Facebook group we’ll connect connect in there you’ll see pictures. A lot of fun.
Jimn Kyles 22:14
Yeah, pre go by the book. So you’ll be blessed by the book. I really think the book is something it’s not just a book you read. It’s a tool that you bring into your life in every chapter has tools to help you move your life forward, and to get unstuck. So it’d be the greatest privilege if you bought the book and let me go on your journey to help you get unstuck but not just unstuck, but to become unstoppable. So looking forward to having you back next week. God bless