Today, we will learn how to build a successful and lasting partnership with anybody. What I will teach you today applies to all relationships in life. It is not just for the workplace or the business setting; it applies to your marriage and family. It could be your relationship with friends or members of your church. When building a partnership with people, the principles are the same. In this episode, I will share the principles I learned 20 years ago on how to build a constituency.
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Jimn Kyles 0:02
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your
life forward. I’m Jimn kyles that I’m your host of the program and super excited to be with you today. Want to welcome you if you’re joining us for the very first time, so glad to have you tuning in today, we’re going to be talking about how to build a successful and lasting partnership with just about anybody. Now, today, we’re going to be talking a lot about business and organizations that are stuck, you know, you feel like you’re plateaued. And what’s the reason maybe you are a manager at a company, or you’re the owner, or you’re simply a supervisor or an employee, and you can realize, hey, where we’re at, in this organization in this business, we feel stuck in building partnerships and relationships with other people. Now, just because I’m talking about business, I don’t want you to tune out because what I’m going to teach you today actually applies to all relationships in life. So whether you’re, it’s a marriage relationship, whether it’s your family, maybe maybe it’s friends, and maybe it’s church relationships, whatever it is, building a constituency, a partnership with people, the principles are really the same. And I’m going to teach you something today that has been on my heart. It’s been stirring in me to talk about it for a while because this is something that has served me well. If you know me or any of my friends. Even in Houston, I get the opportunity to pastor a great church in Houston, we got a lot of pastors here in this area. And just about every one of them will tell you the thing that I can do, and I do really well is gather other pastors and other people together. They act like I’m some rock star in that area. But I’m really not I just learned about 20 years ago, how to build a constituency, I learned some principles that have served me well. And I just felt really loved, led and compelled to talk about that. Because in a day and age that we live in today, I think we’ve lost this ability, I think, we don’t know how to build lasting partnerships and relationships and friendships with people. And I want to help us rebuild that because I think that’s an area where you get stuck, right? That in life, we get stuck. Because we don’t have the tools necessary to build the relationships that we need to build, to have the life that God’s called us to live to have the business God called us to have to have the, you know, the work, flow of, you know, customers and all of those things, there are some tools that we can learn that will really help us get unstuck and become unstoppable. Now, before I go into that, I do want to say, a huge shout out and a thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who has purchased a copy of my new book. It’s now out you can buy it on Amazon, you can actually buy it at Walmart and Barnes and Nobles you buy anywhere you buy the the books that you read. But on Amazon, you can actually buy the Kindle version, you can buy the audible, I’ve heard people, I’m so glad you got an audible. Me too. If you’re like me, I consume a lot of my books through audible. And then if I like it, I go by it. So thank you to everyone who has purchased a copy and supported me in that it means the world to me. And then if you buy a copy, if you wouldn’t mind, another thing that really helps us to leave a positive five star review. Many people who don’t know who I am, are searching for a book, they look to the reviews, to see if it’s legit. So thank you for not only buying the book, but also reviewing the book and helping me to get the word out. You know, the whole premise or point of that is not for me to get rich, I just have a passion to help people. It’s why we started this podcast and so many of you. In fact, you’ve left reviews on the podcast, I was just reading one the other day and talked about you know, I’m on Episode Seven. And my life has already been impacted in a powerful way. Well, that to me is the fuel that I need to keep doing what it is that I’m doing. So thank you for that. And it means the world to me as we continue to help get the word out, spread the word out. If you would love to share that book with others, that would really mean the world to me as well. I also want to welcome those of you that are watching on YouTube. glad you joined us today. It’s another means for us to get the word out now. Let’s talk through today. How do I build a successful and lasting partnership with just about anyone? Now you’ll notice I said just about anyone and the reason I say that is because there are some people you don’t want to partnership with. You don’t want a successful friendship and constituency with because they’re just takers. And that’s not what I’m talking about. You don’t need to be in a relationship or partnership with someone who is just a consumer unless it’s a customer. But even then I think you To build a base of customers that are loyal customers that are raving fans, but when you’re building a partnership and a friendship, we want to make sure that at some point, it’s a it’s a relationship worth investing in. Now, how is it that we get stuck? You know, when we’re building a partnership, when we’re building a constituency? How do we get stuck, I think we get stuck, because we find ourselves in what I would call a survival mentality, a survival mentality. Survival mentality means I am just trying to make it. And the thing that I have noticed more than ever is that through this global pandemic, man, there was a changing and morphing of mindsets. You have companies and organizations and ministries and churches that used to do a fantastic job at reaching people at serving a constituency at building partnerships, and making people feel valued. And yet, now you go into some of those organizations, and I would name them. But there’s a couple that I’m pretty disappointed with, like, you know, that I go here even locally, and they were rockstars, before the pandemic, and now their buildings are dirty, they don’t value customers, the customer service is no longer there. And so what I find this happen is we just got into a survival mentality, and got out of the rhythm of what it means to build good lasting friendships, partnerships, constituencies, and we just we’ve lost the art of it. And sometimes what I’ve found is time in erodes awareness of time in a situation erodes awareness of how bad we have gotten in and of our own self. So in other words, you walk into a house, have you ever moved or walked into an apartment, and you just moved in, I don’t know, I’m, I’m famous for this. Not that I move a lot. But when I was younger, we moved around a lot, my wife and I, and it’s interesting, you’ll put box of boxes of things on the floor. And the intention is we’ve moved in, everything’s in boxes, but we get home, hey, we’re gonna put pictures up, we’re gonna decorate the house, we’re gonna get everything out the boxes. Anybody with me? You know what I’m talking about? Well, the first day, okay, doesn’t happen second day, okay, doesn’t happen first weekend doesn’t happen. second weekend doesn’t happen. First month, it doesn’t happen. Third month, it doesn’t happen. I mean, sometimes you can get live in the place you’re at and have boxes as long as years down the road, and never put anything up in the walls. Because when you first moved in, you notice that was blank, this needs to be moved, I got to unbox that. But as you get comfortable in it, there’s an erosion of the awareness of the work that needs to be put in. So time in equals an erosion of the awareness of so I just, I’m not aware of what needs to change. And so we’ve got to make sure that we get fresh eyes, it’s always great to have fresh eyes, as we walk into building the relationships and partnerships that we need to build so that we can get unstuck and move our business, move our church move our organization forward, into the place that God wants us to be. Now, I’m gonna give you three things. And then the fourth is more of a condition of the heart. But there’s three things that I’ve learned in building partnerships, especially as successful, lasting partnership. Now, let me just define what is a partnership, a partnership is a relationship between two or more people, where there’s an exchange. So if it’s a partnership in business, then there’s a trade or something that we’re exchanging money, property, labor skills, something we’re sharing, and then sharing in the profits and the losses of that business. So in other words, I’m giving, you know, my twin brother, and I had a real estate company and I was really the back end of the Get It Done kind of person. He was more the sales guy. So I could run the crews. We did real estate. And so I could run the construction crews. I didn’t want to sell anything, Steve could sell ice to an Eskimo. And so the partnership was I’m going to run the crews, you’re going to sell the homes. And together we’re going to share in the profit of what is made. That’s constituency that’s a partnership. And so there’s an exchange that is beneficial in your relationship. Now. That’s why I talk even about building a lasting partnership or successful partnership in marriage and family. I mean, in church and friends, because really, it’s all a partnership like my friends, there’s an exchange. I love and support them. I’m there for them. They’re there for me. There is this partnership that we’re together in life and we’re doing this thing together. And so that’s the important thing is, hey, where are we, if it’s two people that are not in a common theme, or in a common area, that’s not a partnership. So we’re gonna build a partnership that’s successful that lasts. And we are focused on the same thing. And we’re going to both put into it. Now, here’s the first thing you got to do when you’re building a successful and lasting partnership you’ve got to give first, let me say that again, you got to give first, I’d have found that when you give first, there is a power that is unlocked. See, remember this, we walk around with walls. Many times you find this all the time, right? You go into a shopping center. How many times have you been in Target or Kroger’s or Whole Foods or wherever it is that you shop? Maybe it’s Marshalls or off Saks Fifth, you know, whatever it is, and the person says, Hey, can I help you? While you’re walking around? Of course, they could help you because you’re looking for slacks or a suit, or you’re looking for a shirt or groceries? And the first response, even if you don’t know where that stuff is, is no, no, I got it. No, no, I’m good. Why, because we have a wall, they’re going to want to sell something to me, they’re going to pressure me. So when you’re building a partnership, when you give first with no strings attached, it lowers the walls of the person, that you are working to build a relationship with a constituency with a partnership with, it’s like wow, you gave first in other words, you are vulnerable enough to give something and then out of that goodwill is received by the person that is receiving whatever it is that you have given. And remember this, people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. Let me say it again, people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. And so here’s a great example I about a year or two ago, I was looking to redo our website at the church, if you ever want to go check it out. It’s anchor bend.com. That’s the church that I pastor. And so we were looking for a website company I’m scrolling through, didn’t really have any leads. And I’ll never forget that when you go if you if you’ve ever tried to do this, most companies want you to put your email into a database before they’ll even give you the pricing. They don’t know about you. But that immediately locks me up, you’re asking for something, have never given me anything. And so I just kept looking and looking looking finally there was this place. They didn’t ask me for anything. They actually gave me resources. If you want to build a WordPress website on your own, here’s the link, here’s the how to, if you’re looking for plugins, here’s the plugin if you’re looking to modify, and I’m not kidding, there must have been five to seven articles on how to build your own website. And I thought isn’t that interesting? I came to have you build mine. But you’re telling me how to build my own? Well, it let my walls down. Because I saw they were more interested in helping me reach my goal and my dream than trying to get something from me. Now, of course, I’m gonna go build my own website. That’s why I’m there with them. But I thought what a brilliant marketing strategy to have have asked for nothing given everything that I needed to build it on my own. Well, of course, I’m too busy. I’m gonna go build my own website. That’s not my that’s not my expertise. So I gave them my information. And are you kidding? They helped build the website that we have. And I just thought what a great example of building a successful lasting partnership they gave first, they lowered the walls that I had coming in asking questions. And it allowed me to freely give my information and ultimately for them to get the business that they were hoping for. I love what Anne Frank says now and Frank is a German girl, and she was Jewish victim of the Holocaust. And she’s famous for keeping a diary of her experiences. Now, if anybody has ever had horrible and horrific things happen to him, it would be Anne Frank. But look at what she said. I love this quote, it says no one has ever become poor by giving. No one has ever become poor, by giving. So that even in the middle of the worst of situations that she found herself in, she would find herself giving away she give a smile, give a hug, help. And I just find that when we live in a scarcity mentality, what we will do is not give because we don’t have instead of realizing a lot of times you don’t have because you never have given. It’s the law of reciprocity. You want to receive love, give love you want to receive grace, give grace you want to receive business, give business, you want to receive help give people help. And so I’ve learned to give first, and then Acts chapter 20 Verse 35 Hello It says, Remember the words of the Lord Jesus Himself, It is more blessed to give than it is to receive. So it’s more blessed to Keep. There’s something not only do you build a constituency, but there’s a power that comes on the inside. It’s like, wow, I’m feeling joy. And I feel good about myself. Why? Because I gave and not only do I give, but I give first second thing. If you’re going to build a successful relationship constituency partnership, you need to give more, it’s not about just giving first one time, but it’s how in the world can I give more than what’s expected more than the other person and it’s not a posture of I’m going to outdo you as much as a posture of, I’m just going to keep giving and keep giving and keep giving. And a lot of times when you’re building a partnership, or a constituency or a relationship, what we do is we’ll give only so much that we start to keep score. So in other words, I’ll give, but I want you to give now, and then I’m gonna watch how much to give, and I’m only gonna give up to what you gave. And there’s this tally system. Well, when you’re building a partnership can’t have Italian, it’s like marriage, you will never have a successful marriage, if you go into it with the mentality of 5050 marriage is not 5050, it’s 100 100. In other words, you’re always going to feel like you’re given more than your spouse. And that’s what we want in a partnership that I am constantly looking for ways to give, and to bless. And to help that person in their life be successful reach their goals, do whatever is in their heart to do. Recently, I’ve experienced this, as an author of a book I have been studying publishing, what some of you may or may not even know is, we actually launched our own publishing company called Anchor bend publishing, which is what my book was released under. Now, it wasn’t my first option, we had some things happen in a relationship with my old publisher, that forced me to just go after it. And so I did, we figured it out, got a great back end partner. Now, lots of great things happened. But in the search for all the tools to help us be successful to launch the book, I came across a guy named Dave Chesson, Dave Chesson. He’s got a bunch of things out, but it’s like publishing rocket Kindlepreneur.
I bet he’s just fascinating. And as I began to have a lot of questions on the back end of publishing, how to make a book successful, all the different things I kept coming across this guy, Dave chesson, and to this day, I don’t even know like, I’ve never met him. We’re not friends. I mean, I’d hope maybe one day listen to this, and we could become friends. But what I found was he never asked for anything, he constantly gave information, tons of resources, tons of tools, you can tell what he does is his passion. And his passion is to help authors get their book out into as many people’s laps into the you know, in front of their eyes to make the impact that could possibly make, and I look at him, he’s such a great example of giving more constantly, never even asked for information at first. But then, you know, of course, they’re getting the lead generation getting our information. But then when he sends emails, it’s never about what he can get. But it’s give, give, give, and then there’s an ask, say, I don’t mind to ask, just don’t make the ask the main thing. And that’s where what I find with business and partnerships is we we don’t mind asking people, but we’re not giving and giving and giving. So we just want to make sure we give first, and then we find a way to give more. And then the third thing is we want to give often. So I’m gonna give first, I want to be the first one to so I always look at the sewing, I’m gonna sew into this relationship. First. I want to give more, you know, just man, I want to outdo and just be overflowing in generosity. But also I want to make the frequency right. In other words, I’m going to calendar giving and wanting to give often how can I constantly be thinking of ways to give into the relationship that I have? So I find the best way for me is to put it in your calendar is the part are you know, do you have calendered the giving portion of your partnership? So in other words, how often when, you know, is it once a week? Is it once a quarter is it? What are you doing so making it a priority and putting your given giving into a system that makes it often I find that it’s better to go deeper in a few partnerships in a relationship than to have a whole lot of shallow, flaky, fragile relationships. And so what if you begin to change your strategy? Instead of trying to reach everybody, I’m gonna reach the right people. And when I reach them, I’m gonna give first I’m gonna give more and I’m gonna find a way to give often. I wonder if that would help you get unstuck in your organization, your church, your business, your family, your marriage, your friendships with people, your your small group, whatever it is, I wonder, I just wonder if this might be the key to unlock what God has for you in your life. And then here’s the last thing. And again, none of this is profound. But I learned it 20 years ago, and I’m telling you, it has really revolutionized my life. I haven’t even realized up until now, the value of what I learned, and how it has impacted me and served me in this church and the you know, the book and everything I’ve done so well. But here’s the last part number four is, you have to have the right heart and motive. Have you ever met someone where they seem to be doing all the right things, but it feels off? The experience feels I don’t know how to say maybe weird or, like, Man, I don’t know, you just seem like it’s not authentic. Like you’re, you’ve got this master plan of manipulation, it can’t be like that. It has to be heartfelt. It has to be in such a way that it’s like, if you never do anything for me, I’m still going to do this. And here’s what you know. And having done this and live by this principle, there are moments where you give and you give, and it doesn’t return the results that you thought it would today. But then 10 years from now, 15 years from now, somehow on the back end some way God finds a way to bless you. It’s a lifestyle of doing this. It’s a, it’s sowing day in and day out. And then just realizing sometimes harvest is, is received fully quick, like quickly, and sometimes it takes years and decades. But I’m gonna have the right motive and people will know me, not as a master manipulator. But as a master giver. Someone who is generous, someone who gives first one who gives more than one who gives often. And I hope this helps you I really, I really think today is going to unlock something inside of you. I think today is a moment where you’re gonna there’s epiphanies happening. And I would go back and evaluate what relationships some of them you need to just cut off. They’re not they’re not relationships you need to invest in, but what relationships, what partnerships, what constituencies? Do I need to invest in and evaluate that? And then begin to put a strategy, how can I give and maybe you can’t give first now. But how can I get more? How can I give often, how can I re invigorate and infuse this partnership, this relationship this constituency with more life and let’s see what God would do in your life. Now if you’ve enjoyed today’s content, which dudes do me a favor? Would you just hit the subscribe button? That way the podcast automatically comes to wherever it is you’re consuming the content. Second thing is would you just share it it means the world to me if you share this podcast, this episode with two or three people, let them know how it touched you and how it impacted you. And then last Would you just rate and review the podcast that would mean the world to me. If you give me a five star rating and write a review, it really helps us continue to spread the word and continue to impact and reach more lives as we continue to help people move their life forward. Thank you for spending your time with me. I can’t wait to be back with you next week. Bye bye