Jimn Kyles

Unstuck & Unstoppable

003: Don't Settle Where You Are

Right now you may be evaluating your life. You look at finances, your spiritual life, your friends, your marriage, and everything in between, and you start rating them. Then you realize you are surviving and not thriving.


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Jimn Kyles 0:00
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your life forward. Look, if you’ve ever felt like you’re settling for less than God’s best in your life, and you don’t know why you’re listening to the right episode of our podcast today, I’m your host Jimn Kyles. And I’m here with Jolea Garza. Hey,

Jolea Garza 0:19
I’m so excited to be here for another episode. Yeah, another, week week three. Yeah. Week three.

Jimn Kyles 0:24
Oh, man, it has been so good. We’re getting so many great, so much great feedback.

Jolea Garza 0:29
It’s so cool. Just to see people taking steps in their journey to getting unstuck. It’s really it’s, it makes me come alive. I’m so grateful that I

Jimn Kyles 0:36
get That’s right. This Oh, it’s such a great feeling. And really, that’s the goal of this podcast. You know, I wrote a book last year called unstuck.

Jolea Garza 0:44
coming out soon, can you believe it come over? And experience why I’m so excited for November, I know that people’s lives are gonna be changed. I have a copy in advance. Did you got an advance? Advance copies I love you know, being able to, to give them to a couple of friends here and there. So we’ve gotten great feedback. Yeah, great feedback. And well, thank

Jimn Kyles 1:03
you. Yeah. And that’s been our mission. You know, over the last couple of years, we all went through this global pandemic, we all went through this crisis. And I just had this overwhelming feeling of we got to help people get unstuck. People have gotten stuck, and I know I got stuck. Absolutely, you’re like, Man, I’m doing good. And I shouldn’t be stuck, I shouldn’t get stuck. I know better. And man, I found myself just stuck and began to just write about my journey, and what it felt like the Lord really spoke to me to help people get unstuck. And doing some of the research, what we found was that 80% of Americans, they feel stuck.

Jolea Garza 1:43
That’s so interesting. And you know, I just love that, because I’ve gotten to experience this kind of coming right behind you. So you’ve been putting all this together. And then with the church that you lead, you know, I’ve had an opportunity to be a part of that, and, and to really see this be developed. And, and for me, experiencing this on the second half of it is just that the idea that I didn’t realize I was stuck. Wow. And then knowing hey, here’s some areas that I’m stuck in. So that’s why I love episode one, where we talk a little bit about, do you even know, here’s some ways to identify if you might be stuck, right? And so you had the realization you were able to walk unstuck. But I think that knowing you’re stuck, and then taking steps. Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 2:23
there’s steps that you can take. And yeah, and then it’s such a vast topic, right? It’s not like it’s one area, we can be stucked in all kinds of areas. Yeah. And then what I have found is typically it’s, it’s my whole life is doing pretty good. And then I got this one thing, you talk about the wheel of life,

Jolea Garza 2:39
I love the wheel of life, I used to train people in real estate, and we’d go through the wheel of life, which is so funny, because that’s, you know, just the place where you’re not really, truly trying to evaluate your life. And we look at it and we look at finances, your spiritual life, your friends, your marriage, and everything in between, and you just rate them. And a lot of times you’d rate it, hey, this is a 10, this is an eight, all of the areas of my life are good. And then maybe you get to the finances, or maybe you get to your health, like okay, this is a two, right, and so then the realtors and I’ve done this before you have to draw the wheel, and the wheel usually goes all the way around. And then there’s one little place that just goes up. You can’t drive. Yeah, you can’t drive on a flat wheel, which means if one area of your life is stuck, it’s affecting and impacting other areas.

Jimn Kyles 3:28
Funny how that you were talking about training realtors, right, your your your great entrepreneur, you’ve got a lot of business savvy. Yeah, you would think that we’re gonna just teach you how to sell we’re going to teach you how to do real estate. But really your life, every part of your life affects what you do. Yes. And so if you don’t get the personal side, right, the professional side is going to fall apart.

Jolea Garza 3:49
Right? I wonder if there are people who have been driving in their business and have such an entrepreneurial gift? Or maybe even in corporate America sort of been climbing the ladder? And then somehow you’re I just can’t get over this hurdle. I wouldn’t have that toe. Why can I get past this past this plateau? And you can keep on working. You can grind as much as you want. But maybe there’s another area in your life that you’re stuck. And it’s interesting. Your work. That’s

Jimn Kyles 4:13
right. And if you don’t fix that area, you’re never going to get beyond the place where you’re at right now. Yeah. And that’s what we talked a little bit. Last week we talked about don’t settle in a place you’re intended to pass through. Yeah. And so if you missed last week’s episode, I want to encourage you go back and listen to the podcast and hey, and then if you’re listening to it, and it speaks to you, you’re you’re benefiting from it, you’re enjoying it, would you do a few things for us? would you rate the podcast? Would you give us a great review, and then share it with those that you love those that, you know, hey, maybe they’re stuck and let them experience what you’re experiencing? So, but last week, that’s what we did. Hey, don’t settle Yeah, in a place where you’re intended to pass

Jolea Garza 4:55
through. I loved your illustration, you know, just for anybody go back and listen to that episode. It was so So good. We actually had a few revelations even as we were talking through it, but But you had multiple flat tires. On Memorial Day weekend, you’re all the way to the beach, everything is supposed to be great. And I thought it was so interesting how after being beat up multiple times on the Houston highways, you were just like, we’re just gonna stop and we’re gonna stay in Houston versus getting to the beach. And that’s, that’s I think that’s

Jimn Kyles 5:23
when sometimes tapping out. We were in a good place. It’s okay. Yeah, you got great hotels, come on up, go to the Marriott Marquis. They got a nice rooftop pool. I can hang out. Phyllis was like, no, no, no, we’re going

Jolea Garza 5:36
to accomplish our goal, our vision, right. And I think that’s such a big deal. So I’m excited to talk a little bit more about not settling in. We’re in

Jimn Kyles 5:47
well, and that’s where today I’m excited today to just really have us begin to think through. Why is it that I’ve settled, right? You know, because you might find yourself listening right now. Both of you are working you and your spouse, you got a couple of kids, you’re taking them to school, you’re going to work, and life is good. But it’s not the life you dream, right. So you’re not where you wanted to be, or you hope to be in. And I’m getting a little bit older, but 45 years young. And it’s funny, the older you get, the smaller the dreams become, wow, you had these big grandiose dreams, like I’m gonna change the world

Jolea Garza 6:24
start chipping away, okay, I’ll just change my neighborhood. A little bit, I’m fine. Your neighbors around? pays my kid is good. I’ll just paste the dog. I’m fine. I’m fine.

Jimn Kyles 6:35
It’s funny how time right life experience erodes. Wow, the Jude the useful dreams and visions that you once had. And I want to encourage you don’t allow life experiences or the world around you to deteriorate the dream God placed in your heart. Yeah, that’s so that he put it there. And it may feel impossible. It may seem impossible, but it’s not impossible, right. And we want to help you continue to move your life forward and don’t settle in a place where God intended you to pass through. He needs you to fulfill the purpose in your life, so that you can impact the world that you can make a difference. And I just want to encourage you that don’t stay stuck, move your life forward. Yeah, I

Jolea Garza 7:17
always think about a phrase that I heard it’s good enough is not God’s best. Right? And so man, how many times have we settled, but the Bible says that God wants to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could ask, think or imagine. And so when we continue to settle in a place where it’s okay, and I totally get it, you know, being married, having having kids, you’re just trying to survive, you know, I’m just trying to make it to the next day I’m trying to get, you know, it may not be eight and trying to get four hours asleep. I’m just trying is trying to make it and sometimes I think we sort ourselves we do is we live in survival mode for too long.

Jimn Kyles 7:51
Well, that’s that’s such a great point. And really, I think today, I just want to tackle two reasons why, why is it that we settle? I think the first one is because we’re in a place of pain. Wow. A place of pain, pain can keep us from moving our life forward. I was out skiing with my brother and sister in law. And we had a great time we were spending time at a family camp pine cone family camp. For all the pine Covers out there, had a blast and they were going out there and they wants to go wakeboarding. And so I’d never been wakeboarding. And they’re like, Hey, we’re gonna try it. Steve and Steph, they get out there do a great job all is always well, and it’s my turn to get out to the to the out of the boat and you know the weight. Yeah. And I’m holding on and it looked really difficult. And what’s crazy, is I knew getting out of the water would be nearly impossible for me. It’s just the drag the pool, and I had made a resolve. I’m like, I’m not gonna let go do this. I’m gonna hold on to this

Jolea Garza 8:50
knowing you. I know. That’s exactly what was happening. If I

Jimn Kyles 8:53
die. I’m not letting go. And God is my witness. I held on so tight that boat took off. And the rope broke and popped my hand so hard that instantly my finger turned purple. Wow. Oh, and I was in so much pain. And I’m like, oh, no, I’m good. They’re like, hey, we’ll go. Come on, get in the boat. We’re gonna go get you another rope and I’m like, Alright, I get in the boat. I’m looking at my hands and shaking. It hurts so bad. I’ve never said anything. And they’re like, Hey, we’re gonna get a rope. And you can go I’m like, Nah, no, no, no, I’m fine. I won’t fill us to go because we’re about out of time. And I want her to miss the joy of what I just explained. Right? So funny. But the truth is, I had hurt myself while I was not going back on the water. And to this day, I refuse to wakeboard, we were out in the lake just a couple of weeks ago. And they’re like, Hey, let’s go away. Absolutely not so funny pain and the trauma of that moment. Keeps me from ever trying again. Wow. And it here’s here’s another example. It literally just happened this last week. I was at dinner with my granny Yeah. And we had dinner and we were talking and she was telling us some of her life story. And she says, You know, I’m deathly afraid of cats. Now I know right now on the podcast, you got dogs.

Unknown Speaker 10:12
Like Absolutely, absolutely. We’re not afraid of them. We just don’t.

Unknown Speaker 10:16
And then you got cat lovers that are like, oh my, how

Jolea Garza 10:19
could you ever? Yeah, so two personalities so funny. And I said,

Jimn Kyles 10:22
Granny, I had no idea that she’s had dogs, her whole life, tons of dogs. And I said, grin. I didn’t know that. I said, what happened? She said, Well, while I was a kid, I was running inside. And my mom had called me, and all of a sudden, a cat had jumped on her back and clawed her like, literally fell down the bat, oh, god ratcheted all the way down her back as a child and just bled and really opened up the backside of her back. She said, ever since then, I have been deathly afraid of cat. Wow. Well, what happened? She had a bad experience. Hmm. And then the pain and the trauma of that experience, has never allowed her to have any kind of encounters with cat she’s deathly afraid round. Wow. And so that pain, we get stuck in a place of pain,

Jolea Garza 11:12
right? And I paralyzed, I think to you know, physical because you got some physical examples. I think I’m a little bit more safe. I don’t I don’t allow cats to scratch my back. And I’m not wakeboarding anytime soon. But I think you know, even personally, I shared a story about how I, when I was really young, was tested for some future programs. I was in school, you know, elementary school. And I didn’t realize until recently that I tested multiple times was actually rejected multiple times, I never pass that test. And so when I was doing some studying over the last couple years, I realized that when I didn’t test for those gifted and talented programs, there was something inside of me that said, Well, you’re not gifted or you’re not talented. And so that paradigm just kind of stuck with me, and was there but it was a, it was a point of pain in my life. And it was a pain of failure. So I wonder if there’s some people that have experienced maybe not a physical pain, but also a pain of failure? It’s right there alive.

Jimn Kyles 12:07
Well, you said an interesting word you said paradigms. And that’s one of the topics we’re going to talk about next week. Yeah. But really, it is a subconscious paradigm, right? It’s a filter that you see life or you had an experience, you believed the lie, that you’re not good enough. And because you had a believed lie, it’s now a part of who you are. And subconsciously, you’ll actually begin to fulfill the prophecy of what you now believe.

Jolea Garza 12:33
Right? And so it caused me to settle because then I go into this work experience. And there’s so many things that I want it to breathe into. But I would constantly say, No, I’m not creative. I’m not really, I’m not really special or good at thinking about creative ideas, because that’s what that program I did. And so and so then I’m saying these things, just to find out that, that God, actually there is creativity on the inside of me that I hadn’t even tapped into, because of what I believed about myself. Well,

Jimn Kyles 13:02
that’s such a great, you know, it’s for all of us. And even as you’re talking I was thinking about when I was about 12 years old, I played literally baseball, and my dad worked in restaurants, right. And so we’re a restaurant family growing up and we were playing a game, but this game, my dad was supposed to be there. And I was the fourth batter up so I would do the cleanup is what they call it. Yeah. Awesome. Good roll. Oh, good roll. Yeah. So they’re all people on the base, and I’m about to hit, I’m looking out in the stands. I didn’t really see my dad and it’s like, okay, he’s gonna be here. And I hit the ball, and I hit a home run, come on, and I’m going around the bases. And I’ll never forget coming back through the bases to home plate. And I’m like, surely Dad is here. And my dad wasn’t there. Wow. And in that moment, I felt like I was not good enough. Wow, worthy enough of the love of my father. If he loved me, he’d have been there. Yeah. Wow. But he was. And from that moment on, I struggled with self worth. Wow. And have fought that, you know, it’s the self esteem self worth, right. And it’s interesting how something so little when you’re a child, or even as adults, no matter what it is, there is this heightened emotional experience, whether good or bad, that we have a thought that’s planted in our heart and the moment we believe that thought that’s where it begins to be a part of our filter and our paradigm. And there’s this pain to a place of pain. I wonder maybe those who are listening there’s a place of pain or relational pain Wow. So good. Maybe it’s an educational pain just like you talked right? You know, what are some other but maybe it’s

Jolea Garza 14:40
in a rejection section? Yeah, maybe there’s maybe there was a time that you made some financial mistakes and there was a really painful moment. You said I’ve never taken a risk again. Never bet on myself again. And so it leaves us to settle right. I would continue to climb the corporate ladder and and do everything I could in my job, but I will always limit myself because I wasn’t creative, right. And so I think that maybe even if you’ve had a financial mishap, there’s more for you. But you’re like, I’m just going to continue to play it safe and settled because of the pain.

Jimn Kyles 15:11
Absolutely. Well, an unresolved pain has way of robbing you of God’s plan for you. Wow. And so you can’t allow that to rob you of the plan that God has for your life. The second place I think, we settled we’ll talk about is we settle in a place of comfort.

Unknown Speaker 15:26
Yes, yes.

Jimn Kyles 15:29
Comfort. Yeah. So where you are is not where you want to be. But it’s better than where you were. Come on. Yeah, I’m not I’m not where I was. Yeah, that I know. There’s a gap between where I am. This is good. This is good. Yeah, it’s nice. I’ve been working hard, right. So it’s time to take a little bit of a break. And then that little break a little bit lifestyles, a lifestyle. And so you were you were moving forward and advancing you were disciplined you were, you know, going to school, I was thinking about maybe maybe your dream was to have a doctorates degree, yeah, or master’s degree, and you got your bachelor’s and you’re like, Oh,

Jolea Garza 16:07
we did it. That was hard, a lot harder than I expected can handle anymore. Again, I got a job. Thank God, right.

Jimn Kyles 16:15
But what happens is, you’re like, I’m tired, I’m exhausted. And now I’m comfortable. It’s like, and then one of the biggest challenges I’ve even seen, that young people get around you and around a lot of young people, is if they take a break from high school to college, yes, you know, don’t do it, don’t do it. Just go right into college, or get into a system that moves you forward, right college, right? Like a preparatory school or something. And because once you start to settle in comfort, it is so hard,

Jolea Garza 16:46
it’s so once you take your foot off the gas, it’s so hard to keep driving to keep moving things forward. Because Because you do once you once you get used to that relax, that relaxed state, it’s hard to have to pick up and start over again. So that’s so so important. You know, I always think about even I heard a great message the other day where we’re, it’s something to where I was like, This is really great. So with my kid, whenever we do summer, we always are continuing to do some summer lessons, some summer learning. And he’s like, why do we have to keep? Why are we continuing? I’m on break, it’s done. But But this pastor was just saying the other day, that during summer, he was speaking to our students who like during summer, this is this is a great opportunity to get better not to take your foot, but to improve on your skills to grow to learn. And when you can get that momentum. I just keep telling my kid like, do you want to start the school year ahead? Or do you want to start it behind? That’s right up to you. That’s right.

Jimn Kyles 17:45
You get to choose Yeah, and so and that’s where even I love the whole atomic habits we talked a little bit about last week, is that I’m just want to get 1% better, and 1% better ends up in 37 times better in a year. Wow. And, man, that’s that’s where we want to be. It’s like man, I I enjoy being uncomfortable. But I don’t want to take my eyes off the prize. Right? And I think to being in a place of comfort, we believe that the dream is further away than it really is right? I’m convinced that our eye is basing it on the reality of all the obstacles and all the challenges. Yeah, but if you’ve ever achieved a dream, that was a god sized dream, it’s amazing how that in one moment in one situation, challenges and obstacles can be overcome supernaturally. Okay. It’s like it’s it’s, it’s unbelievable that I was thinking about the building that we just built with COVID

Jolea Garza 18:39
in the middle of COVID. Churches were closing down. And it’s really is absolutely yeah,

Jimn Kyles 18:44
construction costs doubled, more than doubled. It seemed impossible. I remember a phone call in July and the CFO and the construction guys are like, I don’t know if we’re gonna be able to do it. And they said, What do we do? I said, Well, we don’t stop. You just keep moving forward. And they’re like, Well, we’re gonna run out of money. I said, Well, that’s everybody, right? Like, don’t stop, keep moving it forward. We’re going to, we’re not going to shut anything down. So let God be the one who fights our battle. And it was amazing to see one miracle, after another miracle after another miracle just because we didn’t stop. We believed that God would do it. We stayed faithful. We continued with the diligence and doing what we needed to do. And the miracle was closer than we thought.

Jolea Garza 19:25
Yeah. And I think you know, one of the big things is in that situation, you had vision, you know where you’re going. I wonder if there’s anybody on that’s listening right now, where you’ve set him on a place of comfort, because you don’t even have a vision or dream for for where you’re going next. And I think that’s such a big deal.

Jimn Kyles 19:41
That’s such a big deal. You got to have a dream and a vision for where you want to go. And look, as we wrap up the podcast today. I want to give you a couple of things that you can do if you’ve settled, whether it’s because of a place of pain or place of comfort. Maybe it’s another Yeah, I don’t know what it is. Here’s a few things that you can do. Number one, evaluate Why it is that you’ve settled. So good. So why have I settled? And this is where you really have to take some time away and reflection. I love John Maxwell. He’s one of my mentors through his books, and yeah, and all the things that he writes in his speaking. But one of the things he has like a thinking chair, yeah, it really touched me when he said, every day I sit in my thinking chair, and I think, I wonder if we could just pause for five to 10 minutes. Today, tonight, tomorrow morning, and really evaluate, why have I settled? Okay, here’s where I’m at. But it’s not where I wanted to be. Have I settled? Why have I settled? And I think that’s the first thing Yeah, understanding why the second thing is, once you understand why I’m gonna commit to reengage my life, in fulfilling the dream, or the vision that God has for so good. Got to reengage? Yeah. So what is it that I can do to reengage and I would just challenge you, you don’t have to take massive step, right? Just take a step.

Jolea Garza 20:58
Right? Yeah. And I think again, you know, that’s where it’s like, okay, if I don’t have a vision or a dream, the first step is to to get that vision or dream, I just want to go back to things. What are you passionate about? What do you love? What are you good at? Right? What are some of the things that because you were in a comfort zone, maybe used to play on a league, I think, you know, softball leagues and all the different things but something that you really love that maybe you let go of right, then once you have that dream, then start to take steps to re fulfill 2%.

Jimn Kyles 21:23
Well, and I was thinking about, maybe you had a dream to write a book, yeah, to be an author. And somehow the dream has fizzled you like, I don’t know where to start. Can you do who can you search, right? Like, at the end of the day, what is the step that you can do? Find a publisher, a self publisher is great, but maybe you had that dream to get the master’s degree or the doctorate degree? Look, what can do you can look at a local school and find an online school. So again, what is just one step that you can do to move you forward towards that master’s or doctorate degree? Yeah, maybe to start your own company. Come on, it’s a very scary thing. But look, go find, find someone who started a company and just go have lunch with them. So that’s one of the ways that even building this church and the other companies that I have, I would constantly taking people out to lunch. Yes. How did you do it? What do I need to know? Help me and then finding a way to bless them as they give you one of the greatest tools ever, which is knowledge. Okay, so doing something, maybe it’s to be debt free. So cut up that credit card. Cut it up, start start managing your money through some kind of an app rights meant, I think I use every dollar every dollar Yeah. Dave Ramsey’s Dave Ramsey’s. And so download the app, step one you did it is download

Jolea Garza 22:39
the app, you don’t even put anything in, but the app is on your phone or tracking

Jimn Kyles 22:43
how you’re so good, healthy, if you want to eat healthy, if you want to lose. So whatever it is, what’s the point, I’m going to reengage one thing. So good, one thing today, that helps me and that’s step three, one thing today, that helps me move my life forward. And if you’ll do that, I promise you, you’re gonna start seeing change day in and day out your your life is not gonna miss it, the way I look at it as time passes us all right? Will I use it to my advantage. So I could do one thing today. And one thing tomorrow, and one thing the next day, it’s amazing how that where you have felt so stuck. And some of you have felt stranded, right? It’s amazing how in no time at all, your life just begins to move forward in that area that you felt stuck.

Unknown Speaker 23:26
That’s great, you know, and just a practical on this. If you use you know, some notes or a system in your phone, I often have a very work related, here’s a long task list of things to do. But then I also have a personal list. And those are things where if I could just knock out one thing, one thing a day, that’s just helping different areas of my life forward. And so maybe you make a list and just start to knock one out at a time.

Jimn Kyles 23:48
Yeah. So I want to encourage you, and maybe this is what you can do. You go to the Jimnkyles.com website, we have a free ebook that we want to put into your hands, we want to help you get unstuck. In fact, that ebooks title is help

Jolea Garza 24:00
I’m stuck. Come on. That’s right. That’s easy.

Jimn Kyles 24:03
And it’s about 10 12 pages long. And it will help you figure out why you’re stuck. And then help you put together a step by step plan to get unstuck as you move your life forward. And so I want to encourage you don’t settle for where you’re at right now. Begin to move your life forward. And then a couple of things we want to encourage you to do. Would you subscribe to the podcast that way every week, it’s coming straight to your wherever it is that you consume your content. And then we want to be on this journey with you. We want to encourage you we want to help you if you’ve got any questions you can go the website, send us some questions, send us your feedback. We’d love to hear from you. I’d love to hear from you. And then second thing teach someone. Yeah.

Jolea Garza 24:42
So I love this because when you’re teaching, you’re actually learning more. And so as you do that it resonates on the inside of you. So teach somebody about the things that you’re learning and it will really begin to stick in your own life

Jimn Kyles 24:53
right and don’t just teach but actually engage. Yes, engage the knowledge, do something with the knowledge that you’ve acquired.

Jolea Garza 24:59
Yeah, so Listen to this whole thing without taking at least one step.

Jimn Kyles 25:04
And then the fourth thing wants you to participate participate in our online community. Yeah, we

Jolea Garza 25:07
have a Facebook group so join us there you can also let your their their LinkedIn YouTube already. Yeah, absolutely. We want

Jimn Kyles 25:17
to help you on your journey is so great. Join us there and then finally share share this podcast I say two or three people. Yeah, two or three people that you know this, this podcast will help get unstuck and become unstoppable. So hey, well, we’re so thrilled next week, we’re going to be talking about paradigm.

Jolea Garza 25:33
Yes, one of my favorite favorite topics. So make sure you join us. We

Jimn Kyles 25:37
look forward to it. Bye bye. See ya.


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