Jimn Kyles 0:00
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your life forward. Look, if you’ve ever felt like you’ve been sabotaging your own life but don’t know why, then you’re listening to the right episode of our podcast today. I’m your host Jimn Kyles. I’m here with Jolea Garza. Hello, hello. Hey, Joe. Joe.

Jolea Garza 0:18
Yeah, I’m excited some self sabotage. We’re gonna talk about it and talk about why raise God.

Jimn Kyles 0:24
That’s right. Come on. Well, this is part two. Yeah. So if you’re joining us today, last week, we had a great podcast, we talked about the power of the subconscious paradigm.

Jolea Garza 0:35
Yeah, it was it was really great at you know, you tell a great story about fishing with Johnny. And so if you didn’t listen to that podcast, go back, listen to that one first. And then come back and listen to this one. We’re going to really just help continue to uncover an attack paradigm.

Jimn Kyles 0:48
Well, isn’t it interesting how that in life, we can find ourself in what seems like the same situation, but different situation, if that makes sense. It’s like,

Jolea Garza 0:57
maybe same story, different day, same story. Different people, people. Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 1:02
but it’s this cycle that you can’t seem to break. And it’s whether it’s jumping from relationship to relationship, maybe it’s finances, right? You know, hey, every time we get this far, we almost get debt free. But we find ourselves back in debt, right? Maybe it’s a relationship, you jump from one relationship to the next relationship to the next one. And the excuse can ultimately be well, they’re not good enough for me, right? My standards are high. And I’m not saying any of that is not true. But sometimes we got to step back and say, Well, is there something that is sabotaging you maybe there’s a fear of commitment, right? I only go this far. And then we stop, right? Because there’s something that is sabotaging a real authentic relationship. Because if you’re looking for some perfect, there’s nothing perfect, right?

Jolea Garza 1:45
And I always just say, at some point, we have to stop saying, hey, it’s everybody else. That’s right. Maybe look on the inside and see if there’s something on the inside that’s stuck or broken with

Jimn Kyles 1:56
us. Yeah, well, and here’s the thing that we know if you’re a victim, if you always say it’s everybody else. My pastor and mentor had taught me long time ago, he just said, Listen, if I take responsibility, I can change. Yeah, that’s so good. And so you just say, Hey, I’d take responsibility, is there something I can change something I can do, and hopefully, what we’re going to help you do is uncover there might have been something sabotaging you write something from the past that you were unaware of, that has come in to try to sabotage your life. And now we’ve we’re actually going to get a leverage on it. We’re going to we’re going to identify, hey, here’s what it might be, actually tell the story about fishing with John. Yeah,

Jolea Garza 2:34
I thought it was really good. Because really, what you’re saying is, hey, here at 4445 years old, you you had this experience where you could not trust God to come through for you. And it had nothing to do with that specific situation at all had to do with a story of when you were 15 years, 30 years, 30 years ago, and how that impacted your relationship, your trust in God 30 years later,

Jimn Kyles 2:58
absolutely. And as a pastor, and so for those who they’re listening, I’m a pastor, and not only my pastor, my business entrepreneur, got real estate and wrote a book and but at the end of the day, you would think, man, that pastor should have it all together? Well, I didn’t, and I still don’t, right. And the Lord really took me on a journey. It’s really part of what the book that gets released in November, November 8, November 8, we’re so excited. You want to go get a pre release, copy, go to the website, you can get a pre release, copy or order it a pre pre sell of it. Yeah. But it’s what took me on this journey of being unsafe, getting unstuck and becoming unstoppable. Because I just realized, if this is something that I’m dealing with, there’s probably a lot of people that are dealing with it as well. And studies have found that that’s true. You did a study and research shows that 80% of Americans today feel stuck.

Jolea Garza 3:48
Yeah. And I think a lot of people not only feel stuck, but they don’t know why. And so I love, I love the content in your book, I love everything that comes out of it and talking about how to get unstuck. But you can’t really even start the journey without this. And this is what you talk about a lot in the book or the paradigm. This is so pivotal in this journey.

Jimn Kyles 4:07
Well, for those of you that don’t know, or you didn’t listen to last week, first off, go back and listen, last week, but I’m gonna go and say it again. There was a study done by the National Science Foundation, and it found that the average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts in a day. Think about that. 12,000 To 60,000 Thoughts

Jolea Garza 4:27
60,000. Probably. My mind is just racing. Yeah.

Jimn Kyles 4:33
And then of those thoughts. Here’s what the study found that 80% of them were negative Wow. And 95% of them were the same repetitive thoughts as the day before. So 80% of what they’re thinking is negative 95% are repetitive and we wonder why we find ourselves in this stuck mentality and mode and where we’re in a rut in life and we can’t seem to break out and so we began to talk about how a subconscious pay paradigm, which is something that is unseen, your subconscious paradigm is the unseen programming that runs in the background of your mind. So it’s not like you can see it. But it’s subconsciously, every decision every moment, it’s all run driven. Well, to that it’s the habitual, right? Did you know up to 95% of your life? What you do is habitual. In other words, it’s without thinking. It’s a habit. And it’s done by your subconscious paradigm. Think about this. How many times do you drive to work? Don’t even remember how you got to

Jolea Garza 5:35
work at times, to say I would rather not. Yeah, not saying Oh, my

Jimn Kyles 5:39
God, you’re thinking, Oh, Lord, how did I get there? Well, because you’ve gone to work the same way. Every single day. At some point, your mind just kind of shuts down. And you start thinking about the problems the fight, you start thinking about the future, the plans, whatever it is,

Jolea Garza 5:54
we talked about autopilot, autopilot, I think a lot of times, paradigms and the subconscious thoughts that we have just put us on autopilot in a lot of different areas of our lives. We do the same thing over and over again. That’s what we’ve always done that’s always thought. That’s how we live

Jimn Kyles 6:10
autopilot. Well, there was one study that I read, they surveyed 3000 people up to 90% of people live on autopilot. They would confess, hey, my life is mostly ran on just day in and day out. Mundane do the same. Same thing. Don’t even think about it. No new fresh anything. Yeah. And so the subconscious paradigm is something that we’ve got to evaluate, especially if we’re feeling stuck, right? Like, what is it it’s causing? And, and here’s what I notice being stuck many times is not from external factors. Its internal, right? Like a circumstances situation, a person cannot cause me to get stuck, right? I may have some adversity, I may have some moments where it doesn’t look like I’ve got forward progress on the external. But really being stuck is something that happens from within. And so we’ve got to address that and really make sure that we are working hard to move our life forward and addressing the things that we wouldn’t normally address. Yeah. And

Jolea Garza 7:05
so you know, today, I know we want to talk about just a couple of ways that these are formed yesterday, or the last time we recorded we talked about how what paradigms are and you quote, a great story of how they’re established. So now we’re gonna go back and look at where do they come from? How do these How do I even know what paradigms maybe I’m carrying and what I’ve been living through. So I’m excited to go a little bit deeper into that when

Jimn Kyles 7:27
when we study out paradigms, there’s really two ways that we have a paradigm created and formed in our subconscious. They’re really built over the lifetime by the environment that we grew up in. And so in other words, the people we were raised with people we were around as a child, but then also through your life experiences. Wow. So the first one environmental conditioning, this is one of the primary ways that we have the subconscious paradigms that we live with today. Is that you show me your your family, and I’ll show you what are some of the subconscious patterns. So let me give you a case in point so if you were raised in a family that loves Ford trucks What do you think you’re going to drive your driving force right if you were in a family that voted Democrat, right, we’re gonna vote Democrat gonna vote in a family that voted Republican? What are you gonna vote on a vote Republican? Yeah, it’s not even something that you have to think twice about. Because as you were growing up, your parents, your grandparents, brother, sibling, somebody said things like all those Republicans are oh, those Democrats are Yeah, you know, I’ll never forget I was a teenager. And it’s a funny story of why I drive a Ford truck today. And I didn’t even realize it until I started to write this book and really go through some of the paradigms that I have in life. But I was working as a teenager for a guy who owned a lawn company and I’ll never forget we’re driving, going to cut some grass and he drives a Ford truck and it’s a nice truck loved it. Well, Chevy truck was driving by and I’ll never forget I said man that it was a brand new Chevy. And he said what and he looked at me crazy. He said Jimbo, that I know truck. It actually had WT on the back side and stood for work truck. He said, any drug that has to have work truck on it, that ain’t no truck at all. Chevy’s a no truck. And it is so funny. Yeah. How subconsciously I bought two Ford trucks. Yeah. And as I went back to evaluate it, I don’t know Chevy and Ford. I mean, I know there’s a rivalry. But they both do the same thing. That’s it, but that is why I drive a Ford. I hear those words in my heart and you know, as a teenager, I believe Joe, why? Because he was a successful

Jolea Garza 9:48
influence. Yeah. And I think about even you know, for me growing up, so you know, two different examples. My parents always said, Wait, they pick family values, and I always encourage people to have family values, but ours were three it was God Family Education. Yeah, to this day, I still live by those values. My parents were influential in my life, of course. So that’s, that’s how I live. And that was a great environmental conditioning to put focus on God, our family and our education. And then I think about one parent in particular, I won’t even tell you which parent, but one parent has a hankering for the nice and finer things in life. And so of course, you know, whenever. So whenever I’m going shopping with my husband, who is a lot more low maintenance, and I are looking for a hotel, or doing anything like that, I’m like, it has to be fun. It’s got to be tiny. Like, there’s just this the conditioning of that’s just how I grew up. I just, I liked the nice thing. But it’s just because that’s what I saw from one of my parents. So it was an environmental conditioning that set a paradigm in my life, for everything having to be, you know, the very best or maybe even a little excessive,

Jimn Kyles 10:59
right? Well, even in what you know, maybe you’re listening now. And you can relate. But I was in one of my talks, actually show an example of this. Remember that talk where I have a really sweet puppy? Yeah. So I show it up on the screen. And this is the fluffy, cute puppy. Yeah. And everybody goes, Oh, and then I stop everybody and say, Yeah, but that’s not everybody’s react, right? Because there are a few people that are sitting out here in the audience that have had a bad experience with the dog. cringy cringy? Yes. When they throw the puppy up on the screen, their blood pressure rose, their heart rate rose, because as a child, maybe they were attacked by a dog, or something bad happened with the dog? And so what happened to them in that moment? Is that puppy on the screen a threat? No, they went back to that moment as a child where they were bitten, maybe, you know, scuffed up whatever it was with that that animal. And that immediate response is,

Jolea Garza 11:58
their entire perception was impacted with Maybe that’s you

Jimn Kyles 12:00
listening, you see a dog, you actually crossed the road on the other side, no matter how small no matter because there’s something inside and you don’t even realize it. But it’s because of a subconscious paradigm. It’s something that happened to you as a child. And then once that dog attacked you, you’re like, all dogs will attack, right? Well, that’s a lie. Not all dogs do. But you believe the lie. And because you believe it now becomes a part of your paradigm. And once it’s part of your subconscious paradigm, now, it’s the filter that helps you make decisions, right? And so everything you do is under that filter, you avoid dogs, maybe it’s cats, right. My grandfather passed away a couple of weeks ago. And you know, we’re, we were talking to Granny, we took her out and she’s you know, healthy. Thank God for that. Yeah. Anyway, we were talking and she said, You know, Jim, I am deathly afraid of cats. Now, I’ve never known that my granny’s at four years old. And I’m like, granny, you’re afraid of cats. She said, Yeah, as a child, she was going up the steps to her mom and a cat jumped on her back, and dug the claws down her back as a child and scratched her all the way down. And she said, I am deathly afraid of cats. Well, in her mind, she’s like all cats will, will call you. She believed it. And then now that’s been part of her filter. So yeah, no matter what it is, if the closet is put into your mind, whether you thought it, or whether someone else put that thought in your mind.

Jolea Garza 13:22
Also, I just think you know, one more great example would just be for anybody who’s ever lived or grew up maybe in scarcity. So I talked about, you know, liking the nicer things, but maybe you grew up in an environment where it was always maybe paycheck to paycheck or right you’re struggling for our next meal are not really sure. Maybe you saw that install a struggle, your whole environment, your whole life might be defined by that scarcity. never

Jimn Kyles 13:44
have enough. Yeah, there will always run out. Yeah, hoard, hoard everything, gotta hold on to everything. So then that becomes your filter. And instead of what you sing being more than enough, it’s never enough. Yeah. And so now even you find yourself I’m thinking of, you know, the the husband right now, who continues to try to climb the ladder, not because that’s where he wants, but because what he has is not enough. Wow. And so that’s subconscious paradigm. I’m not saying don’t climb the ladder of success. But let’s don’t climb it. Because we’re, we’re walking through an experience that we never dealt with as a child. So that when I get there, here’s the challenge is if you’re doing it, because you’re sabotaging yourself through a paradigm that’s negative, that’s wrong. When you get there, it’s never going to satisfy you. It’s not going to get you where you thought it was going to be. It’s going to end up being the ruin of your life, not the goal or the success of your life. That’s so good. Well, and then the second thing is the heightened emotional experiences. So the first one is your environmental conditioning. So many of us we all have things in our life that are part of our subconscious paradigm, based on how we grew up the environment we grew up in, but now it’s a heightened emotional experience. Yeah, let me give you an example of something that happened when I was 12 years old when I was 12 years old. We played literally me and my twin brother Steve, and We were pretty good. I was pitcher first baseman Steve was catcher. I batted fourth, which of those don’t play baseball is cleaned up. Come on. Yeah, absolutely. So we have people on base, I’m batting. And my dad said he would come to a game. So I’m looking around Dad, is he here? Well, he was in restaurants my whole life, right? And so he said, I’m gonna make it their son, I promise you this was like the game he was gonna make. And I felt like I’m about to rock this ball out of the park. And I’m looking for a moment. Yes, my moment. And I don’t seem. I’m like, That’s okay. Dad’s out there somewhere. Right? Well, lo and behold, of course, I hit a home run. round the bases. I look out into the stands, dad is still not there and get into the dugout, Hey, where’s Dad? Dad never made it. He never made it to the game. Wow. And in that moment, in that game, I had two experiences. And really some emotional feelings to it. Number one, I’m a champion.

Jolea Garza 15:55
Yeah. So you’re a winner. I’m a winner. You’re good at baseball. good

Jimn Kyles 15:59
at baseball. I’m a good athlete. Wow, man, I’ve always my whole life just felt like I’m a good athlete. You put me anywhere I could play football, baseball, basketball, I got it. It was in that moment, right. The second thing is, you’re not worth your dad showing up. So you really have no intrinsic value. Wow. And so there was a real insecurity brought inside of my life. That man, if my dad doesn’t show up for my life, then nobody really loves me or cares about me, which is so crazy, because it’s the most opposite thing from the truth, right. But in that moment, there was such extreme emotional experiences. That my whole life It wasn’t until I got into counseling, but eight years ago, realizing that I pushed people away, because I felt like they were gonna leave anyway. Wow, I’m not valuable enough for them to stay to be a part of my life. And so I found myself subconsciously sabotaging relationships by pushing people away. And Phyllis and I went first got married, we’ve been married 22 years. And our first couple of years, we had to deal with this, right. And I’ll never forget having the epiphany back then that, oh, with my dad left you leave. We had a rocky first couple of years, you know, our story. And, and part of that was because of this subconscious paradigm that was sabotaging this relationship with a woman that I would spend the rest of my life with.

Jolea Garza 17:16
Well, I think the heightened mostly emotional experiences are so so pivotal, you really have to look back. And some of the big moments, we always talked about big days, and bad days. And it’s so important to just go back and evaluate those, you know, I even think about, not even a personal but I had I helped lead, you know, here at anchor Bender and at her church and, you know, help oversee some of the staff and I was in a conversation with somebody and notice that they’re just so you know, they’re tech geniuses, they’re great technology, and really great at doing all of the things. And so, you know, we’re sitting in a meeting, and they were talking about how you know, they’re like, I’m not a reader. And remember, a couple podcasts ago, we always talked about the always a never statements that leave us stuck. And so they’re like, I’m not a reader. I’ve never been a good reader. And I’m like, where does that come from? You’re a smart person. And so we prayed. And then we taught we I said, now let’s talk about your childhood. Let’s let’s go all the way back. Where in your life, were you told that you weren’t a good reader? And he began to share, he just said, Well, you know, when I was in the first grade, and first grade is where my kid just learned to read. So he’s I was in the first grade and I wasn’t catching on. By the end of the year, I hadn’t, you know, been reading at the level I was supposed to. So they tested me for for special ed classes, and never tested into the special ed classes. But that’s how far behind he felt. And I told him, that was the moment that was the moment. That’s the moment that was the heightened emotional experience, right that all throughout his life, he’s lived all of the lie that was told to him and the first grade, what, six or seven years old first grade? Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 18:44
how many people are listening right now? And they’re impacted in the same way? Right.

Jolea Garza 18:49
So I just wonder how many of us have had those heightened emotional experiences at a young age? Maybe a parent got sick? Maybe you maybe you didn’t do well in elementary school? Maybe you had an experience? Yeah, a coach Coach

Jimn Kyles 19:01
said something then you’re not I’ll never forget that they used to always love to make me and Steve race and told Steve, you’re not good. Your brother always beat you. Yeah, he just finally quit. He went into music and I stayed in sports. And I go back to that coach that I remember spoke words that I feel like really? Cause Steve to not not want to pursue what he’s already good at. Yeah.

Jolea Garza 19:21
And I do even think about people who have maybe been abused, verbally, physically, though, that all contributes to the paradigms that we have

Jimn Kyles 19:28
neglected. Yep. You know, nowadays, it’s like, maybe you weren’t abused, but you were neglected. Nobody was around so you were left to yourself. Yeah. So when something bad happened, see, that’s what’s not fair. Right? Right. As a kid you don’t notify those are vulnerable. You’re vulnerable. Yeah. And so these thoughts just flood your mind that’s why it’s so important who you hang out with what you’re around who you’re around the environment. But as an adult, you know better you’re like I’m no better man. I’m strong. I’m bold. I’m but but but the problem is, you’ve already got some of these paradigms that are sabotage. Watching your life. And though you know the truth, you don’t believe the truth. Yeah. And I want to help you right now as we bring this to a close how, okay, you’re out there, you’re saying, Okay, we’ve been listening to paradigms, what is it that I do? How can I move forward? Here’s what I would say, Here’s your homework. First thing is identify the problem, right? So you’ve got to ask probing questions. When’s the first time so find an area? Maybe you find yourself running from relationship to relationship, whether it’s friends or romantic doesn’t matter. And you find this, this this one area? Go back to? Why did you go from this relationship to Well, I felt betrayed. Right? Okay. So here’s what you would do now is when was the first time in your life that you remember feeling betrayed? Wow, when’s the first time? So your subconscious was very interesting about the subconscious? Is there? There? It’s not done in Chronos time, right? So so we would think, well, I’m an adult now. Yeah, but when something subconsciously just goes away, well, when you’re six years old, that’s how come someone can go from zero to 10. Right in a moment.

Jolea Garza 21:04
It triggered they call it being triggered. Exactly.

Jimn Kyles 21:07
So the trigger causes them to go from zero to what just happened was that six year old stepped into this 45 moment. Wow. That’s why it’s not logical. That’s why it doesn’t make sense. It’s irrational. Because you subconsciously go back to wherever age you were right? When you felt that feeling at first when you haven’t dealt with it. So you got to go back to whatever, whatever the problem is. When’s the first time I’ve felt what it is that I’m feeling that caused me to experience this? And then you need to do this you need to take a moment you need to write everything that comes down to your mind. Yes, journal journal. Yeah. Hey, I felt this one and it’s not gonna make sense it’s kind of like what I had talked about last week the whole fishing with Johnny I kept hearing fishing with Johnny fishing with Johnny just gotta go back. It may not make sense it doesn’t matter your filter it just write it down. And then you need to go through and have someone help you process it. So again, so for us we have a counselor Randy Powell does an amazing job journey Counseling Center in California does fantastic been my counselor for a while I love him. He helps me process so if you don’t have a counselor, find a friend someone. Hey, listen, you know, this is what happened. This is what it made me feel the first time I felt it. I was six years old. Here’s the story. Here’s the situation. Help the process. Yeah, process of here’s help me unpack it. And then what you’ll find is there are some lies that were planted in your heart, the enemy we believe the devil is the enemy. Yeah, he plants lies in your heart. You’re not good enough. No one loves you. Nobody cares about you. You’re dumb. You know, any you? Somebody will never be rich, you’ll always be poor. And so what you then got to do is identify the one lie. You’re not good enough. You’re not lovable. Okay, whatever it is. And then I would encourage you as a believer, I’m a Christian, go and find God’s Word that refutes the lie and gives me the truth. So good. So you’ll never be anything? Well, no. Philippians says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You know, so you go find the Scripture, to revert the lie into truth. And then now you begin to pray it, you meditate on it, you confess it, and then you keep doing it, how long until you believe it sounds good. And there is no easy process. There’s no quick fix. There’s no fast food or microwave,

Jolea Garza 23:22
unfortunately. But fortunately, it’s worth it. It was so worth it to go back and spend the time doing

Jimn Kyles 23:27
that when I was thinking about you talking about the wheel of life a couple of weeks ago, how you can be at a seven and eight in your life in every area. And this one area is a to listen, if you’re running your life on a flat tire. Yeah, you will never live the life gods. Wow. So as much work as it takes as hard as it is, be committed to the real person, person that God wants you to be. And we want to help you move that you’re alive for. Well, listen, we’re getting to the end of the podcast, but we want to hear your story. We would love to be a part of your journey. Would you hit us up on social media? Yeah, we want to know tell us like, Hey, I was feeling stuck here. But man because of the podcast, I went back there some paradigms we want to celebrate with you. We want to go on this journey with you and be a part of what God’s doing. We’d love to hear. In fact, you can email us at story, my story at Jimnkyles.com My story at Jimnkyles.com. And we’d love to hear that story. Got a few next steps we want you to take and help you move your life forward. First one want you to subscribe when you subscribe to the podcast wherever it wherever it is that you consume the content. Yeah, that way it comes directly into your inbox. It’s automatic. We’d love to have you subscribe.

Jolea Garza 24:37
Yeah, the next we want you to teach. share this podcast with somebody today. Talk to them about what you learned. And just give them some takeaways. We always know that you learn the best when you’re able to teach it

Jimn Kyles 24:47
then we want you to engage. Look, the new knowledge that you learn today applied in your life today. Don’t wait. Don’t just teach it. engage it.

Jolea Garza 24:54
Yeah. And then we want you to join our community participate. Join us on Facebook. We have a Free community there. We love to connect with you hear what you’re learning and receiving from this content. You can also follow us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and on YouTube.

Jimn Kyles 25:09
Yeah. And then last we want you to share the podcast Would you share the podcast with one person just right now as it comes to a conclusion and and just share it say, Hey, listen, this podcast it’s really helped me. We’d love to continue to connect with people and help you move your life forward. Well, we can’t wait to be back with you next week. Hope you have a great week.

Jolea Garza 25:26
Bye bye. See ya