Jimn Kyles 0:00
Welcome to the unstuck and unstoppable podcast where we help you move your life forward.If you’ve ever felt lost, you don’t know who you are feel like you’re losing yourself. You just don’t have a good sense of your identity. You are listening to the right episode of our podcast today. My name is Jimn Kyles. I’m your host, and I’m here with Jolea Garza.

Jolea Garza 0:19
Yes, this is such a great topic, uncovering your identity discovering right and so excited

Jimn Kyles 0:25
about it. And you know, I said, you listen to the podcast, we’ve got a lot of people watching the podcast. Yeah, it’s great. Great to have our visual camera. Yeah, we got Kevin back over there. Making it happen making it happen. We’ve got our new set today. So yeah, I’m loving it. Got a good corner of my office 1%

Jolea Garza 0:45
better. I think that’s what we said. We set it in podcast before, but it’s just one person.

Jimn Kyles 0:49
We love your feedback. So many of you guys are given such great feedback. And we’re just thrilled to be on this journey with you today. I’m really excited about the episode. Yeah, we’re talking about identity and piggybacking on the conversation we had last week. Yes. When we talked about the Five Regrets

Jolea Garza 1:04
I thought that was so good. Truthfully, after that conversation, I was like, I have to just put these on my wall. I feel like the entire the entire time we were talking I was like man, I could almost struggle with this regret and and all of these if you didn’t listen to that podcast, go back and listen to it the Five Regrets of life the things that people said they would regret or did regret regret on their deathbed. It’s such a big deal.

Jimn Kyles 1:29
Yeah. And I write about it in the book. And really today and over the next couple of weeks, about four or five weeks, we’re going to be talking about the four essential building blocks of life. Yeah. And these will help you avoid these are going to help you avoid those. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it’s chapter seven through 11 of the book. And really the premise is that there are some building blocks of life, that we have to work on, focus on develop, if we’re going to get to the end of our life, having finished the race. Well, that’s great. You know, as a believer, I want to get into heaven and eternity and hear Jesus say, Well done, my good and faithful servant. For those who maybe you’re not a believer, you’re not a Christian, you don’t have to be to listen to the podcast. You want to get to the end of your life and say, Man, I lived a life well lived. Yeah, I fulfilled my purpose. I did everything that was within me. And today is really going to help you on that journey. Absolutely. So we’re super pumped. The now the book is coming out. Maybe some by time you listen to it. It’s already out. Yeah, November 8,

Jolea Garza 2:32
November. It’s right around the corner. It’s called unstuck

Jimn Kyles 2:36
and unstoppable. And if you haven’t already, I want to encourage you go the website, Jimnkyles.com Yeah, you could pre order your copy right now. And we would love to put that in your hands whenever it launches out of it. Right? A lot of people ask if there’s gonna be the audio audible version? Of course, yeah, of course, if I’m an audible guy, I love to listen to books. And then if they’re good, I’ll read it. Yeah, that’s great. So that version will be out as well. But today, we’re talking about identity. You know, I believe there’s a crisis of identity. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. It’s amazing. Having gone through this global pandemic, people thought, and I’ve heard this from a ton of people. It’s really how we begin the journey, or I began the journey of writing the book, never intended to write a book, right? I’m a pastor of a local church. And I remember coming through this pandemic, that I just felt like I had to help people get unstuck. And then there was even a point where I was stuck and not like, I never get stuck, but I’m like, I’m the visionary leader, and pastor, I’m not supposed to be stuck. And I think it was July, I was having a good old fashioned pity party.

Jolea Garza 3:42
Oh, I love it. Those are my favorite. Used to be my favorite

Jimn Kyles 3:46
flaming. And the whole, the whole thing for the book came up. It was Acts chapter 27;28. Read about Paul, in my one year Bible, and he got shipwrecked on the island of Malta, and his acts 2018. There’s a passage and it simply says this. And this started the whole journey says, And when they were ready, they set sail. Great. And what that just spoke to me was that even in the midst of being stuck being stuck is not being without movement or motion. It’s not just sitting passively by hoping someone’s going to help you. It’s not being a victim. Paul was doing the work of God right. And then when the season that God had for him to move forward in came then God opened up the door for provision to happen, and for him to get off the island and no longer be shipped. And I think sometimes we believe the lie that I’m stuck, and it’s not just stuck, we begin to believe the lie. I’m stranded. Stranded is without hope. Yeah. And I want you to know if you’re listening right now and you feel stuck, or maybe you feel stranded without hope there is hope. And there are some things that this podcast and even today is going to help you. One of the primary ways that we get stuck is We lose our identity. Yeah,

Jolea Garza 5:01
I, I would almost even challenge that and say, maybe it’s not even that you lose your identity. Maybe you never even tried uncovering your identity. You know, so many people, I think, use a phrase identity crisis. And we live, we live our entire lives and an identity crisis, because we’re constantly looking for Well, who am I? Am I, but then we find things that maybe, maybe fulfill that for a little bit. Oh, well, I’m really good at playing tennis, just so No, I’m just a tennis player. And yet, we use that for a little bit until we’re bad at tennis, or we break an ankle, and then we’re back to a new identity crisis. And we’re looking to find out who we are, or entire life

Jimn Kyles 5:44
it was because in a write about it in the book, and we’re even gonna talk about it today, people find their identity in what they do, and never fully discovered their identity of who they really are. And your identity is who you are apart from what you do, or what you have accomplished. And when you discover who you are, your who impacts your what, it impacts everything else. But if you’ve never discovered who you really are, well, then your identity is well, I’m a school teacher, what happens when you no longer school teacher? Yeah, maybe you’re a lawyer. What happens when you’re no longer a lawyer, that this is what we see a lot of times, especially with people as they get into the older ages of life, their identity was in their career. And it’s like, well, I’m not doing that anymore. I’m not a firefighter anymore. You know, I’m not a successful businessman. So they they feel lost, right?

Jolea Garza 6:35
It’s the end of your life. I feel like, absolutely. I do everything for what

Jimn Kyles 6:39
and we find this in, you know, my wife, we got four kids, you find it as a mom. Yeah, I am a mom. And this is my identities and my kids. And it’s good, you know, house. So if your kids are doing well, you feel like a

Jimn & Jolea 6:52
great successful life. And then when your kids aren’t doing well, yes, I am. Your failure is coming crashing down. Yeah.

Jimn Kyles 7:01
Well, and you’ll start to live a roller coaster life, right? Because it’s like when you’re doing good, you feel good. Your identity is good when you’re doing bad. And the thing that I even write about in the book, and I know it’s referenced quite a bit, but I talk about my experience as an entrepreneur. I didn’t realize that at a young age, what God would bring me through which shaped my whole future. I was a young 20 something year old entrepreneur, we had restaurant real estate, lots of things were going well, I was newly married, beautiful wife, people always said, we’re like Ken, and Barbie. I mean, we just had all the things going for us. Well, then all of a sudden, everything came to a screeching halt. A business deal went bad. The landlord of a restaurant that I owned, did some shady things. I didn’t do anything wrong. I lost the restaurant, all the homes were in foreclosure, thank God, we didn’t lose and wind up selling. But what I found was then in that moment, my mom sent me off to a weekend retreat, and said, You son, you’re depressed, you got to go, I want you to go to this bootcamp, and I want you to allow God to really speak to you in the season. And, you know, I was kicking and screaming my twin brother ended up going with me and most the most amazing thing happened in this bootcamp when I’m having my pity party when I’m at the lowest point, because you gotta remember, I was a young 20 Somethings successful. And then my world just kicked me one day, everything just came crashing down. And I was living for God and doing everything right. And I’m like, bitter, angry, mad. And in this bootcamp retreat, the thing that radically changed my life, was by the end of the retreat, I discovered my identity. They facilitators brought us and say, Hey, we’re gonna do a treasure hunt. And I’m like, Cool, let’s do a treasure hunt. And they said, We’re going to discover who we really are. I’m like, I know who I am. I’m an entrepreneur. Yeah. And they said, well get up by yourselves. We’re going to answer the simple question. And here’s the question. And it’s so simple yet so complex. The question is, who am I? Yeah, that’s it. That was the only question. Yeah. And I was so mad and frustrated, like, why no lion. And the lady said she, the facilitators won’t read. She’s like, well, who are you? Well, you know, I’m a failure. The restaurants out of this or I’m, I’m an entrepreneur, she said, No, no, Jimn, those are the things that you do. That’s not who you are. And so now I’m just frustrated. I’m like, Well, who am I? I’m lost. Wow. And she just said, Well, here’s what I would challenge you with Jim. She said, You know, God is the one that gives us our identity. He’s the one reveals to us how he made us. Why don’t you just pray a prayer to God and ask Him God, would you show me who am I and then revisit those questions and see if God won’t reveal to you who he says you are, apart from what you do. And I did just that and the most amazing thing there were seven sentences and I’m not gonna say I’m now you’ve heard them. Yeah. And then share them. They’re actually they’re up on my wall. I wrote them on my wall and they’ve gone with almost 20 years. And what I found was those seven sentences solidified who I was, regardless of what I did and what season you’re in, regardless of the season. And here’s what I found, too is that my identity, discovering my identity was the most powerful thing I’ve ever done. But it didn’t immediately change my circumstances, right? It’s not like I discovered my identity. Everything’s good. No.

Jimn & Jolea 10:25
YouTube. It wasn’t that moment.

Jimn Kyles 10:32
So So but what did happen was, though the circumstances didn’t change, I had changed great. So the crushing pressure, the crushing weight, the debilitating depression and stress and anxiety, it almost just pulled back. And I realized, I know who I am, and who I am, will now affect and impact everything that I do. And from that moment on, it took years to bring, it took me until the church, you know, it took us 10 years to get out if we didn’t file bankruptcy, but it took me 10 years to pay everything back. I mean, it wasn’t a slow process, but it shaped and formed who I am today. And then what I realized coming out of this global pandemic, God use that as part of the foundation for the book.

Jolea Garza 11:21
Well, what I’m hearing is that it got you off of the roller coaster. Yes, because we talked about this maybe last week, but it’s just life is full of ups and downs, there are always going to be hard moments in your life. But it’s how do I get off of the roller coaster and knowing who you are, get you off detach from what you do and what kind of your life you’re in and how old you are, and where you are and where you live. And what you have, will really help you continue to move forward take steps, regardless of what it looks like, honestly,

Jimn Kyles 11:52
what it looks like. Yeah. And then when you’re in the lowest of low points, or places where people don’t value you, you don’t get offended at them. They don’t know me. Yeah, I know who I am. God defines God defines me. That’s good to know. And that’s the one thing if you’re listening, I want you to write this down. People define you by how they meet you. But God defines you by how he made. So let me explain. So if someone had met me at the peak of the success of the restaurant, which were voted best readers, or Readers Choice Award for best service, I mean, we were blown up, we had lines out the door, this is at the peak of our business when the landlord shut us down. And you would have met me back then and said, Wow, Jim, you’re a young successful entrepreneur, man, it’s amazing. Look, you got 30 summits, you know, your staff and you’re blowing up you can’t even get. So they just say you’re successful. You’re smart. You’re, you know, all the definitive words that they would say and define you by. But then if you’d have met me after the restaurant shut down, you’d be like, Wow,

Jolea Garza 12:56
you messed up. Wow, you’re kind of like a failure. Like, what?

Jimn Kyles 12:59
Here’s what, man, what did you do to mess that up? Like you had so many people out the door? You were making so much money? What? Wow, what kind of secret stuff, are you?

Jolea Garza 13:09
Right. And I think that that’s such a big, that’s such a huge phrase, because I think that’s why we live in an identity crisis. Because we’re constantly gleaning off of what people have said it validated from, from the very beginning, like your parents were like, Hey, I’m raising a football player. Everything about you was, well, I’m just gonna be a football player. I’m a great football player. And that’s what I am. And so even growing up, you know, this is why this I was laughing at the beginning of this because identity, and uncovering who you are outside of what you do is just such a journey and such a freeing, freeing journey that right, but I think about, you know, in my early 20s, when I was beginning to get into the workforce, I’m very organized. But people would say, Hey, you have a gift of administration, and you’re such a great administrator, and I want you to administrate and, and it’s funny because your twin brother and administrating have yours. It’s really funny, because the truth is, I don’t like administrating all. And so I was gifted at it. And for five years, I spent my time saying I I’m just a great administrator, and that’s what I am and that’s who I am. And when I started to not be that great because it wasn’t who got me come alive. It didn’t make me come alive. Then that redefined? Well, then I’m not really good at my job and I’m not really good at Yeah, you know? Yeah. And then again, it was who am I? Yes, because I attached what people said I was to what I

Jimn Kyles 14:41
was your identity. When I think it’s okay to do something for a season. That’s not necessarily your identity. But what you have to be careful of is that their labels don’t become your identity. And that’s exactly what because if you if you don’t know who you are, and that’s what happens people label you. And those labels, you start to live a false life because you’re living up to the label. They’re not they’re not malicious, meant, well, they may be your failure. You’re just like your mind, you’re just like you’re uneducated. You’ll never amount to any. So they can be negative, but they don’t have to be net. Yeah. And what we’re trying to prevent is getting to the end of our life saying I lived, for what others expected instead of for what God created. Yeah. And that’s where the identity portion is so important. I love the passage. Ephesians chapter two, verse 10. says, For we are God’s handiwork created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do that you are God’s handiwork every one of your uniquely and intimately created and fashioned and formed. I love what he says to the prophet Jeremiah said, before you were born, I knew you fashion June your mother’s womb Yeah, I

Jolea Garza 15:56
love even the the use of the word handiwork fashion, because it means that it’s unique, you know, it’s not, hey, you’re a carbon copy of every other person in this world, but you were hand created. And so there is a uniqueness and a special Pete many special pieces of who you are that God has created, implanted on the inside of Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 16:16
so discovering your identity, it’s really the foundational piece to becoming unstoppable. Because here’s, here’s the whole key and what the podcast the book is really all about. It’s not just about getting you unstuck. That’s just part of it. So that I think that’s even the easy part. Because to get unstuck, all I got to do is take one step, right, exactly, just keep and that’s really the phrase for our podcast is helping you take one step forward, getting you unstuck, not so so hard, what’s hard, in my opinion is doing the work to helping you become unstoppable, right? Because that is the essence of a person who will live a life well lived. That’s what you see through the Apostle Paul. And I go back just to reference a biblical characters, the whole journey in the study and the research for the book, even with the apostle Paul, everything that he went through unbelievable, like the troubles he shipwreck beaten these

Jolea Garza 17:12
things Paul has gone through every time I read it, I’m like, no complaint. There’s nothing valid, that I get ghost

Jimn Kyles 17:18
in traffic, you know, like getting bitten by a

Jolea Garza 17:21
snake being shipwreck, and he’s like, I press on

Jimn Kyles 17:24
or press on oppressor, as this is where what made him unstoppable was not only it’s not just knowing is, he knew his identity in Christ. And I cannot understate that if you’re not a believer, you don’t have to agree with me. But we believe that God is an intelligent designer who designed us and fashioned us formed us. So you can’t discover your identity apart from God, you discover your identity in God’s right. And as you do that, and I didn’t even know what I was doing. 20 years ago, I know what God is doing. Now, it’s all Hindsight is 2020. But it made me unstoppable. It was like no matter what the enemy brought, you know, I ended up losing the business. I ended up working three jobs. I’ve been in jobs I love I’ve been in jobs I’ve hated. I’ve been in jobs, where people believe in me, people don’t. And people said, how do you keep going, and I think the foundation is I just, you know, I know who I am. And I have a gift for not quitting, and discovering the hard work of who am I and so really, it’s the foundation. The second thing that identity does, and there’s more, we actually have a worksheet that I will lead you to at the end of the podcast, you go right now, Jim collins.com, I’m gonna help walk you through. It’s a worksheet to help you start the process to discover your identity, but identity and you can write this down, if you’re at a place to write it down. It establishes your real values. It establishes it, see, it doesn’t change your value. It establishes it for me, right? Like God already has assigned the value of your life. But so many people are walking around and don’t understand the true value of who they are.

Jolea Garza 19:03
Well, and the validation. Yep. So when when you know who you are, and when your value is established in God and who God has created you to be. You don’t need other people to tell you, man, you’re doing a good job, right? It’s a constant validation, and hey, you’re on the right track. It’s like, No, I know who I am. And I’m going to continue to move forward because because this is who God is. Jackie, whether everybody agrees with me or doesn’t, whether everybody’s excited about what I’m doing or not. I know who I am. And that’s how I can move forward.

Jimn Kyles 19:34
Well, and when you have your identity established, you know, I want you to listen, if you’re if you hear this, you will never be too good for any job that you need to work. That’s great. See, when you don’t know who you are, and I have people say, Well, I’m too good to work that job like they don’t pay me enough. And I’m not telling you to allow people to devalue you. But I do know that there are moments you got to take some steps and stones? Yeah, it’s like sometimes you got to start at the bottom to get your way to the top, or whatever the bottom is. It’s like we’ve all had to work in a season where something we didn’t love we didn’t like. And when you know your identity, you don’t compromise your identity. You just say, God, is this what I’m supposed to do? It doesn’t feel like what I’m supposed to do. I think I’m better than that. But if you hear God say, Yes, I’m not afraid of that. Right? Then I remember even in my ministry career, when we started pastoring, here in Houston, for a church that brought us on, I’d left the ministry up in Tyler, I was what they call the executive pastor. Well, my gift is administration. I’m a lot like you were both threes were very administrative, not organized, but um, administrative, if that makes any sense at all. And they brought me in and what I didn’t realize and I should have, I think I did. I was really the only employee they had. And we had a 50,000 square foot building. So I was the janitor. I was the youth pastor, I was the administrator, I was all things to all people. And I remember someone said, I can’t believe you’re in there, cleaning the restrooms and mopping the floors. And I thought part of my identity statement, I’ll just tell you the first few phrases, I am a general. And it’s like, okay, I’m a general mopping floors. I’m a general doing youth group, they don’t matter what it’s like that is what God has called me to do. So then what happened was, I will mop this floor like the general, I’m going to lead these students like a general. And then what happens is your identity has been established. And so I’m not afraid to take a job that could seem underneath me or that would devalue. Nobody can devalue you when you truly are. That’s exactly right. And you have to be willing to say God, just like David David was played skillfully in the field, back in the prophet Samuel found him in the field. Yeah. Imagine if David said not too good for this. I need to be in the palace. Right?

Jolea Garza 21:55
He wouldn’t miss this opportunity. Yep.

Jimn Kyles 21:59
But he’s at least like if there was a security in him. And even after David was anointed, what’s so fascinating is that all the big things that happened in his life happened because he was still in the field, Jesse sends him to go on an errand to his brothers. While he’s in the field, the king servant mentioned him to the king about playing the harp in the palace, because he saw David in the field, okay. And you just cannot under understate the fact that sometimes you got to be in the field. And if you don’t know your true value and your identity, you will look for the position that will send you down the wrong path, instead of just saying, God, maybe this is the field that I need to be in for now. As you prepare me for the palace, right.

Jolea Garza 22:45
And I love you know, you always say, people will get to the end of their lives, realizing that they had their ladder leaned up against the wrong, and I hit it to the top of the ladder. So you’re climbing the top of the ladder, you’re getting all the validation, and you’re you’re climbing. Yeah,

Jimn Kyles 22:58
it looks good. You might even be making big money. Yeah, it looks

Jolea Garza 23:00
great. Until you get to the top and you realize that you’re unfulfilled.

Jimn Kyles 23:04
It’s not who you really claim to be. Yeah, yeah. And don’t don’t allow titles or money to validate that you’re in the right position. Because I got people that I know make a lot of money, but they’re miserable, because they realize this is the easy way out. You know, and so knowing your, it establishes your value, and just allows you to be able to do whatever God wants you to do. Hey, so excited. Now there’s, of course, there’s way more content that we could ever talk about. What we want to do is just foster the conversation, have you thinking about hey, identity? Do I really know who I am? Answer the question, Who am I and then just start to write it out. And what you’ll find so easily comes out is it’s not who you are. It’s what you do.

Jolea Garza 23:47
Yeah, I was just gonna say that. Yeah. And so as you’re doing that, you know, just write it all out, I think would be my last question. And then you’re gonna have to go back multiple times and edit it. I actually remember when we did this, in the workshop that you you hosted, doing unstuck and unstoppable. So you, buddy, but you would make us read our identity statements out loud, and you say, Stop. That’s what you do. That’s not who you are. And then we would go back, and we’d edit and we remove and really, until we can just say things about who we are, and not just what we do, you know, it was just it’s a constant process. Yes.

Jimn Kyles 24:21
Well, it takes work, it is a process and go to Jim collins.com, I actually have a worksheet it’s practical steps to help you discover your identity. And I’m gonna walk you through it. We’ve got again, we just want I want to be Julian wants to be a resource to help you on this journey. And so there’d be nothing greater than for you discover your identity. Here’s what I would ask, just as you’re doing this, as God is sharing this with you and you’re discovering it. Send it to us, the emails in the show notes. We want to hear from you. Tell us what God is doing and speaking into your life and we’d love to be on this journey with you. Hey, also, there’s a couple of things we want to do to help you move your life Forward is, would you subscribe to the podcast time

Jolea Garza 25:03
you subscribe, you get notified when a new podcast,

Jimn Kyles 25:07
wherever you consume the content subscribe, you’ll get it automatically.

Jolea Garza 25:11
Yeah, we want you to teach it. So we want you to share what you learned on this podcast with somebody maybe it’s with your kids on the your drive home. What a great tool to take your kids or with a family member or spouse or a friend.

Jimn Kyles 25:22
Oh, absolutely. And then engage. We’ve got a great online community of Facebook. If you’re watching this right now on YouTube, just click on the link takes us to the Facebook page. If you’re listening, just click on the link again. Get involved with the community. We’d love to hear your story get to know you personally, Julie and I are on there. It’d be great to meet you.

Jolea Garza 25:40
Yeah, post a review.

Jimn Kyles 25:41
We we really help us

Jolea Garza 25:43
love hearing your feedback. We love hearing how this project has worked in your life.

Jimn Kyles 25:48
And then share share the podcast with someone I was just say find one person that you think would benefit from today’s podcast and share it with them and be the one that helps them get unstuck and become unstoppable. Well, we’re so thrilled to be with you next week. We’re going to be talking about discovering your purpose. Yeah, so I’m excited and then I think we’re gonna throw in a bonus episode. Yeah, so you and I and Phyllis recorded something and so you guys be looking for that my wife and I Julia interviewed us about relationships and so you guys will get to check out our bonus episode. So we love you guys can’t wait to be back with you next week.